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I woke up in the same position that I had fallen asleep in, sitting on the floor and against the wall. Rubbing my neck to try to alleviate some of the pain I felt, I grabbed my phone to check the time. 4:17 am. Great. Regardless of the uncomfortable position that I was in, I felt fully rested. Considering the time, it was too early to get my day started, so I slipped on a pair of shoes and grabbed my keys. Slipping out of the front door, I looked down at my phone to catch up on any notifications that I may have missed.
"And where might you be going?" I jumped slightly at the voice, dropping my phone face down on the concrete.
"Shit! Why the hell are you awake? And outside?" I responded while bending down to pick up my phone, checking for any cracks and dusting off the loose concrete that had attached itself to the screen.
"Couldn't sleep," Joshua said with a shrug. "Last time we met like this, you were crying over your douchebag of a boyfriend."
"First of all, he's not my boyfriend and second of all, you have no room to be calling anybody else a douchebag. I'm afraid you haven't looked in the mirror lately."
"You know our walls are paper thin. From what I heard, that's definitely your boyfriend," he responded with a smug look on his face. My eyes widened as a tint rose to my cheeks because of what he was insinuating.
"He hasn't been over in- You know what? Nevermind. On that note, I'm going to go. Have an awful day Joshua."
"I hope you have an even worse day, Sunshine."
I turned around, rolling my eyes at the same time. While getting into my car, I noticed that Joshua had already made his way inside. I rested my head against the steering wheel. Every conversation with him seemed to drain all of the energy from my body. Starting the car, I plugged my phone in and shuffled the playlist that I had made specifically for the moments in which my mind was jumbled with thoughts. Whenever I was overwhelmed with my emotions, I went and sat at the boat docks. There were a few private ones that you had to climb through some bushes to get to because they hadn't been used in a few years. Could I get in trouble for trespassing? Probably. Would I do anything for just a few quiet moments to myself? Absolutely. During the quick 15 minute drive, the music played softly over my car speakers. I parked my car in an area that was completely surrounded by trees, trying to make it appear as if there wasn't a car there so nobody would see it and know that I was down at the docks.
The water was always silent at this time. There were no boats on it to create relentless waves that lapped against the shore. After removing my shoes and socks, I placed my phone that was still playing the playlist in one of my shoes in order to amplify the music. I slowly moved my feet into the water, not wanting to disturb the serenity of the environment around.
I was so confused but I didn't know why, which was only making it so much worse. I know I hate Josh. Or... maybe don't hate? But it's definitely a strong dislike. He hurt me, regardless of how long ago it happened. But was it time to move on? Was it time for us to be okay again? No. He would never. He hates me too much. I think I would need an apology from him in order to move on, and I don't see that happening any time soon.
