Matrimoniae

Part 1

We were sitting outside underneath the big tree, all three of us on a worn out old blanket. A slight breeze ruffled my hair. It was early May now, and warmer than it had been in a long time. Lately, we'd been taking every opportunity we got to soak up the sun- I knew Dina missed it during the long, cold Mississippi winters. I selfishly appreciated it, too; the warm flush I loved so much was beginning to return to Dina's lovely brown skin. She'd been religious about keeping JJ's delicate baby skin shielded, though. Something about UV rays and sun damage.

He seemed happy enough to be outdoors, asleep in the dappled shade with his little head turned sideways so his cheek was all smushed against the fabric of the blanket. It took all my self control not to wake him up and press kisses to his chubby cheeks.

"Potato looks happy," I commented. "Must be having nice dreams."

Dina smiled down at our son. "Probably just farted or something."

I snorted. "Yeah. Or that."

I loved seeing the pride that glowed in her eyes when we talked about JJ, even over a stupid joke like that. Dina reached for my hand and ran her thumb over the back of my knuckles. "Your freckles are getting darker."

I never really noticed these things about myself until they were pointed out, but she was right. They were getting darker.

With our fingers still interlaced, Dina brought my hand up to her lips and started to kiss all the little spots there. "Wonder how long it would take me to kiss every. single. one." She punctuated the last few words with quick pecks in between.

I couldn't help but grin like a sexed-up teenage boy. "We could find out," I suggested archly.

"Mm, you'd like that, wouldn't you?" Dina trailed her kisses up my wrist and into the hollow of my elbow, leaving me profusely grateful for my choice to wear short sleeves this morning.

"Wouldn't complain."

But Dina was ever the tease, and pulled away before anything could really get started. I repressed a whine.

"Minx," I accused.

"You love it," Dina teased.

She was right, I did. I loved everything about her. A question began to rise up through my throat, and I shoved it back down. Just ask her, you idiot.

An ant tried to scuttle across our picnic blanket and I immediately shooed it away. I didn't mind bugs, actually found them pretty interesting, but I didn't want them near JJ.

Shielding my family was a strange and automatic instinct now, and I wanted more than anything to just wrap them up in old newspaper and hide them away somewhere safe. The idea of JJ old enough to explore the world around him, backpack slung over his shoulder and rifle in hand, made me nauseous. It was hard enough keeping track of him already. He was starting to walk now, faster than I'd have thought him capable of. Sometimes I woke up from dreams where he toddled right into the arms of an Infected, too trusting and innocent to fear it.

It was a whole new lens to see the world with. Now, finally, I recognized that look that Joel had in his eyes when he handed me a gun for the first time, the frustration on Maria's face as she had tried to keep me from going after his killers. The resigned set of Tommy's shoulders when he realized he couldn't stop me from leaving. It was the kind of fear only a parent could know.

I tried to set it aside. He wouldn't be little forever, and I should enjoy this time while it lasted. I should enjoy the little piece of safety we'd built for ourselves. And so much of this new life was beautiful, too, it wouldn't be fair to leave the good parts out. I loved sitting in the sun with Dina, loved sketching her dark eyes over and over again until I got them just right. I loved the little sheep we kept and their soft ears. Loved holding Potato when he was fresh out of the bath and smelled like soap and clean laundry. I even loved my chores around the farm for the way they cleared my head. If there was a way to keep this forever, I'd take it, even if it came with all the bad parts.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" Dina's voice broke through my reverie.

"Just... the future. Us." I touched the spot on my wrist where her bracelet once rested.

Dina knocked my knee with hers. "Pretty good topic. Coming to any interesting discoveries?"

I'd been waiting so long for the right moment, and now that it was here I didn't know what to do with it. Was I supposed to get down on one knee like in the movies? Should I have prepared a speech or something? I felt completely out of my depth, like a baby animal learning to walk for the first time.

Fuck it. If I didn't say it now, I never would.

"We should get married."

Dina's big brown eyes widened. "What?" She looked so stunned that I immediately cursed myself for saying it at all.

I subconsciously leaned away from her. "You're right, it's stupid. I don't know what I was thinking. Just- forget I said anything."

Dina captured my hand in hers again, trapping me there. "No, Ellie, That's not what I'm saying- You just.. surprised me, that's all. I didn't know you wanted the whole.. marriage thing. I always assumed you thought it was stupid."

I met her gaze. "Well, maybe I do want it."

I braced myself for the rejection. I could take it, I told myself. I could take it, and it wouldn't be so bad if things stayed the way they were. We didn't need rings to prove we loved each other.

"Yeah, okay."

I furrowed my brow. "Okay?"

Dina nodded and smiled that wonderful soft smile of hers. "Yeah. Let's get married. Why the hell not? We've already got a farm and a kid, we might as well make it official."

I almost collapsed with pleasure. Let's get married. Married, married. I wanted to feel the words roll off my tongue a thousand times over. My next words came out in a rush of relieved breath. "You better not be fucking with me, babe."

"I would never." Dina's eyes sparkled. She absolutely would, but she wasn't this time. She really meant it. "Besides, I can't blame you. Who wouldn't want to marry me?"

I just laughed. "An idiot, maybe."

We were kissing then, unaware of who leaned in first. I was drowning in her, in sunshine and the smell of fresh dirt.

"You're gonna be my wife," I mumbled against her mouth.

"And you're gonna be mine."

I couldn't fucking wait.