Our Little Home

6

The loud screams of the morning alarm broke Sivaanya's slumber but the happenings of the previous day didn't let her experience her usual uninterrupted sleep journey, which made it a lot easier for her to rise and shine. 

The minute she opened her eyes, she was taken back by what she saw. Aravind was still sound asleep, which was quite a surprise, considering he was someone who woke up at times Sivaanya would call midnight and would start working out. Tensing at the sight, she was going to wake him up until she realized that he could have just been emotionally drained. Even though she desperately wanted to stay with him, she had an exam to attend and she knew staying back for him would push up his guilt instincts. 

Calming her nerves, she began smiling and was adoring just how cute her husband looked while he was asleep. Inching closer, she placed a small peck on his forehead before whispering "you only deserve the best in this world" in his ears. The clock caught her attention and made her realize she had just an hour left before college would begin. 

"Okay Sivu! Unoda purshan-a study panadhu podhum, poi book-a study panna ready agu.", she thought, before running to the washroom. 

In another 20 minutes, she adorned a beautiful pink salwar suit and rushed to the second destination- their kitchen. Over the last few weeks, Sivaanya was determined to learn the basics of cooking to ensure Aravind didn't go to bed with an empty stomach and she did successfully. She quickly made a few star dosas ,few abnormally shaped ones and covered them with a lid. 

There was a sudden instinct to make his morning special, so she grabbed a sticky note and placed a loud kiss, imprinting her lips after writing 'star dosa for my superstar! I love you so much 💜'

xxx

3 hours later, the 12 PM sun blazed down into their little abode ,settling on Aravind's face; waking him up from his sleep. His hands moved around, caressing the mattress and found it empty. He quickly opened his eyes, and realized that Sivu would have left almost 4 hours ago. Instantly feeling bad for not wishing her good luck, he quickly typed her message and sent it; hoping she would see it before her exams. 

Soon after, his surroundings began settling in, and a sense of strangeness quickly enveloped him. To see him still in bed at 12, to see his workout materials untouched, to see the dryer stand void of a wet towel, to see his formals in position. He felt different, but he didn't want to do anything about it. 

The ceiling looked like the most interesting thing, so he stared at that for the next 20 minutes before his eyes came across a little paper on the side. Reaching out for the paper, he was able to identify it was his wife's writing and read the tiny note: I know everything is not alright, but I promise to stay by your side! So don't put your little brain to work and let's just go with the flow, taking each day as it comes. I love you and I stole my kisses! 

He couldn't thank the 5ft angel in his life enough, because that few words of affirmation gave him the motivation to get up. Walking towards the door, he noticed his weights neatly arranged on the rack. Before he could reach out to those, a voice appeared at the back of his head. A voice that he could safely call his worst enemy- one that outshouted his conscience which was nothing but encouraging. 

"Romba mukiyam! How can you just move on to normality when something so significant happened because of your incompetence?" And there it went: the want to do something he liked. 

After freshening up, he moved to the kitchen and without realizing smiled for the first time in the whole day when he saw the shape dosa she made. He could bet one looked exactly like India's map, and the stars- well, they were an astronomist's nightmare but the efforts mattered the most to him. At that moment, he thanked every angel in the universe for her presence in his life. 

Although the combination on the plate was hands-down his favorite, it felt like his palate suddenly developed a dislike towards it, so with a lot of difficulty he swallowed a small piece, threw the rest and settled for a cup of coffee as his morning breakfast. 

Hours passed and Aravind just couldn't bring himself to do anything. He tried applying for different jobs, but looking at the term 'marketing' pushed him down the bitter memory lane. He tried but couldn't resist himself from recalling what his manager spoke: "You don't deserve a post in this field!", "Getting a dual degree isn't important, one should be able to apply it!". 

Maybe it was those bitter memories, that made him shut the laptop in force. His 'second wife' like Sivu likes to call it sat beautifully dressed in gold near the TV stand, but this time the play station didn't make his heart skip a beat. 

There was so much uncertainty that surrounded him- "what if I never got a job?" "Maybe, I never deserved one in the first place."  A fear if he would be able to run a family of 2.  A strong feeling of guilt that he couldn't hold on to something that gave him joy. The vivid thought of disappointing people that trusted him. 

The word 'productivity' that always stayed in Aravind's dictionary had completely ran away but he could argue the three sheets of paper he used to doodle was a sign of some productiveness.

The straight face he had throughout the day forcefully adorned a wide smile as he heard the bell ring, after which he welcomed Sivu home with a warm hug. 

"Sorry ma! Konja tired athan morning late-a aiduchu. Ipdi pochu exam?" 

"Ethuku sorry, na enoda good luck kiss eduthutu than ponnen.  Exam super a pochu, ana time pathala. Last second varikum write panna. Enoda handwriting dinosaur paper la odina mari irunduchu last question-la."

"Super ma, innum oru paper than! Athuvum nalla pannu."

"Ama, neenga ena paniga innuku?"

"Well, 20 minutes after you left, I woke up. Aprom work out panney oru 30 mins. Of course, then I had your museum worthy artistic dosas. Sema taste, athuvum thakali chutney la vera level. Nerya nerum job application, konja neram PS. Oru mari jolly-a than pochu. Ippo innum jolly aiduchu." he spoke, widening his smile further, while his fingers continuously picked the skin near his thumb, making them slightly bleed. 

Before she spoke again, he quickly interrupted and said, "Seri ma, ne fresh up agu! I will lie down for sometime." 

At that very moment, he could bet he never rushed to his room the way he did. Locking the door, he quickly laid sideways on his bed- knees scrunched- as tears began rolling down his eyes, gradually increasing their pace. 

It was the burden of being scared of expressing his feelings, and pulling his loved ones to his doom. It was the burden of pretending to be alright that slowly started creeping back into his life. 

He thought it disappeared, little did he know it was just hidden deep under the blanket of wounds.

The sound of whimpers increased and in no time, he completely broke down. His hands that were previously tucked under his head, now did different roles with one of them patting his chest, while the other gently caressed his hair. "Onnum prechana illa!" " Ellam seri aidum"- he kept whispering to himself just like 12 year old Aravind did- under the night sky; staring at the stars he thought were his parents, desperately wanting to be one among them. Shining brightly, and a lot more closer to his mom and dad.

Meanwhile, in the living room, Sivaanya sarcastically smiled and felt extremely proud at just how good of an actor her husband was.

xxx
Hello 👋
These chapters are written purely on the basis of anecdotes, and research. At any point, if you do have a doubt about Aravind's behaviour, I'll be glad to explain.

The most bravest thing you can do when you feel low is to reach out to someone you trust 💜