The Ex (18+ Only) [COMPLETED]

1: In Which She Gets a Limp Biscuit

1: In Which She Gets a Limp Biscuit

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“I had that dream again.” The heat that crept up my neck could’ve fried an egg and two rinds of bacon.

Siobhan nodded, silently urging me to continue.

“Well...” My hands did a nervous tap dance in my lap. “It got extremely – how do I say this? – hot. I didn’t want to wake up.”

“Who was on top this time?”

I bit my bottom lip hard enough to make it sting. “He was. He’s always on top.”

“Could it be that you’d like him to take control of your life again, much like in your past sex life?” She paused. “That you’d like someone to dominate you again?”

I stared at her. It was amazing how Siobhan Farrell, PhD’s mind worked. If I told her I dreamed of lions stalking deer, she would say I’m beginning to embrace my wild side by dating Colin, who was as feeble as a deer. It wouldn’t cross her mind that I could’ve just fallen asleep watching Animal Planet. Farfetched didn’t even begin to describe some of her analytical conclusions and theories.

I took a deep breath. “It’s just that... I thought the dreams were gone but then... this morning, I woke up with... well, you know what it’s called.”

Siobhan nodded again, writing something down in her notebook – something probably along the lines of “had wet dream about cheating ex-husband”. She was constantly scribbling away and it was unsettling. With her wiry chestnut hair and goggle-like spectacles, she looked like a very tiny mad scientist; a mad scientist who knew my deepest, darkest thoughts and desires.

“It’s been – what? – almost two years since you last saw him, correct?”

I nodded.

“And perhaps, because your anniversary’s coming up...” She trailed off when she saw my facial expression.

“My wedding anniversary,” I said softly, setting my palms flat against my lap. I looked up at her, a slow smile spreading across my face. “I think it’s time I got that tattoo. Or... or went to Cabo! I need to celebrate!”

“Celebrate?” Siobhan looked bewildered, one brow arched.

“Of course! I didn’t do much last year because my nan got sick... but this year?” I licked my lips. “This year, I’m going to order a piñata, name it Konstantin, then bash its candy brains out!”

“I find that a little unhealthy.”

“It’s very healthy,” I disagreed. “Look, it doesn’t mean I’m still mad at him, Siobhan. I’m not. I’m over what happened. It just means that... that...” I stopped. “OK. I’m still mad. I hate that I’m always thinking about him and it doesn’t help that he owns almost everything in Parishville so I’m constantly reminded of him.”

“Does Colin know?”

My brow furrowed. “Know about what?”

“Does he know about the dreams?”

“Does he know about the sexual fantasies I still have about my ex-husband?” I asked sardonically. “Why on earth would I tell him that?”

“So what is your reason for not telling him?” Sarcasm simply went over Siobhan’s head.

“That’s easy. He’d be hurt.”