mental Journal

Uneasy or sick

I feel so uneasy today I don't know why tho I think I might be coming down with a cold or something I don't know why I have a runny nose, coughing, sore throat, and a slight fever I'm more tired to I don't know if it's dehydration or stress with school I'm not hungry and feel full after one bite it's like my entire body is changing maybe it's do with suddenly lose weight I have. Church tomorrow but I don't want to gooo😭 I want to sleep in tomorrow since I had to get up early today because my sister's had a cricket match this morning from 9 am to 1 pm I want to cry but I don't want to cry in front of my dad my eyes have been watering for a few days maybe I need to take a break from all this maybe I just need some time alone away from my family and friends just me and nature also have a "friend"coming over but I don't want to see them today or ever again 😕 they make me do things I don't like to do at all and they keep getting me into trouble with my mom which sucks alot I mean like she acts like a 3  year throwing a tantrum and she's like almost 15 years old she needs to learn that not everything can go here way she picks what we do on my birthday and doesn't let me talk to my friends at all but when my mom's around she acts like and angel that does no wrong only my dad's on my Side I rather spent all day with my dad them with her my dad understands me he knows me for me not like my mom that doesn't let me do anything I like I know I'm the oldest but I never got to grow up and have a normal childhood I had to watch my younger siblings I just want my mom off my back about being being perfect and having good grades she wants me to play cricket but it's not something I like to play I feel so much pressure to be this perfect person that and my best friend is excluding me in everything I'm so done with with this day 😭 I want it to end sooooo bad  I'm done with today.