Under Your Skin | Jude Bellingham

006

"When are you going to come down and see us?" Hayley asked.

I sighed heavily, glancing outside at the grey skies as the rain slashed against the window. "I don't know," I answered truthfully. Seeing Trent and Hayley happy together hadn't gotten any easier for me, so I'd been making up excuses as to why I couldn't travel down to Liverpool to visit them, making me the shittiest sister ever.

"I've had a lot going on recently," I added, which wasn't exactly a lie. I'd been busy with meetings, editing videos, and coming up with an overall plan for where I wanted to take my social media platform. I probably could've squeezed in a quick trip to Liverpool, but it still hurt to think about Trent with my sister, so I'd made no effort to go and see them.

I did feel terrible for it, and now Hayley was unintentionally making me feel even more guilty for avoiding them.

"Aw well, I hope you can come and see us soon. I miss you, little sis," Hayley said sadly.

"I miss you too," I told her.

"When you do come to see us, you and I should go to a spa or something. Have some much-needed girly time, you know?"

"That would be good."

"Alright well I've got to go now, I'll text you later," Hayley said.

"Bye, Hayley."

I set my phone down and sighed, putting my head in my hands. It'd been over a month, I should've been over it by now. Instead here I was, shutting myself away and burying myself in my work in order to avoid confronting how I really felt. My friend Chloe would probably recommend that I try dipping my foot into the dating pool again, but I wasn't in the right headspace for that. What I needed was a holiday, or just an opportunity to get away from it all for a little while.

And that's how I found myself scrolling through my contacts until I saw Chloe's name. I hesitated to compose my message, worrying that I was going to be a bother.

Chloe was Gio Reyna's girlfriend. The first time I went with my family to Dortmund to watch Jude play, we'd immediately hit it off and became fast friends. We didn't see each other often but kept up our relationship online, always texting and face timing until we eventually became close. She was one of the kindest, most thoughtful people I had ever met, always reasonable and offering great advice. Whenever we did see each other in person, it always felt as if we'd never been apart.

My thumb hovered over the send button as I read and then reread my message, afraid that I was asking too much. Eventually, I thought fuck it and hit send. I had to learn that it was okay to do things for myself sometimes — it wasn't a crime.

Hannah:
hey chloe, i know this is a big ask and
probably completely out of order, but do you remember how last month you were talking about the possibility of me coming to live with you and gio in dortmund?
i was wondering if that offer is still open?

Chloe:
OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS?
please tell me this isn't a joke.
WE WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO COME AND STAY WITH US

I smiled at her enthusiasm.

Hannah:
are you 100% sure? i don't want to be
a bother. it'll only be for a little while
whilst i get my head straight

Chloe:
of course i'm sure.
is everything okay? x

I contemplated opening up to her. Chloe had always been the friend I could count on to not say anything to anyone unless I wanted her to.