The Goddamn Fucking Truth About Me

woohoo, feelings!

The Goddamn Fucking Truth About Me - May 30, 2015

(Warning: a shitload of swearing)

I'm 16 years old.

Technically I'm 15, but four months isn't too long, when you think about it.

I'm a girl.

I like reading.

I like writing.

I like expressing my feelings.

I don't like people's reactions when I express my feelings.

I'm tired.

I'm PMSing.

Sorry, that was too much information.

I apologize a lot.

I'm so fucking tired of everyone being terrible people, and then complaining about terrible people.

I hate hypocrites.

I am sometimes hypocritical.

I fucking hate caring about someone and then saying something like fucking, I love you, and then they just fucking smile like it's just another fucking girl saying I love you because she opened up her heart and spilled it in front of her and you comfort her and tell her lies about how you understand, and how you "get it".

I fucking hate goddamn liars.

I hate small talk and awkward conversations with people because fuck, I can't talk to people for shit, and half the time I end up offending them or saying the wrong thing and I can't explain it because FUCK I'm horrendous with words unless I'm writing them on paper (or a phone).

I hate being put on the spot.

I love music. All kinds.

Except country music, because who the fuck likes country music? (No offense to people who like country music, you're great)

I have anxiety. And ADD. And scoliosis.

I get anxiety about my scoliosis, and then my ADD gets me worried about something else.

I like Harry Styles.

I like fucking doing whatever I want, and I say I don't care about what people think, but man is it hard to convince myself of that.

I am a very hard person to like, but I'm a very easy person to be nice to you.

I hate people.

I hate being mean to people.

I'm very mature.

I talk a lot, apparently.

I can't fucking say anything without worrying about what the person will say, because people are fucking cruel, and they apparently don't fucking understand that even though I say I have anxiety but try hard not to show it, doesn't mean I'M FUCKING LYING ABOUT HAVING ANXIETY.

Because apparently people think that, and I hate that.

I hate a shitton of shit.

I like cussing.

I like animals and babies and old people.

I hate feeling like someone hates me.

I like hot guys.

I like books.

I actually have a lot of books, and I'm running out of space.

I hate getting flustered with words, because I'm actually very intelligent and I can write so well, and I know the answers to questions in my head but when I have to say it out loud or even sometimes write it down, I can't seem to fucking find the words. What kind of fucked up shit is that?

I am horrible at flirting.

I think of really good and hilarious comebacks... Like, 7 hours after it happens and I end up stuttering and shit.

I'm very (not really) romantic.

At least in my head, I am.

I've never had a boyfriend, let alone my first kiss.

No one has ever liked me.

I screw up pretty much everything.

I never finish projects.

I always feel like my friends secretly hate me, and when I confront them about it, they get mad at me.

I'm really tired.

I know I said that already, but this is a different kind of tired.

I'm writing a book.

I'm pretty excited about it.

I just want to be happy with someone.

I'm only 16, why do I need a boyfriend?

15, 16, what does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?

I was just told that I'm laid back because I'm chilling in a bra.

It fucking one o'clock in the morning.

What a dork.

I tend to cry at night for no fucking reason.

I create scenarios in my head of things that will never happen, like my crush actually liking me back *dramatic gasp*.

I'm kind of liking this guy, but I just fucking I told him I love you, so you can imagine how fucking stupid I am.

He didn't say I love you back.

It kind of hurt.

A lot.

I never have been this honest before.

I'm not sure if I like it or I'm an attention-seeker for doing this but it feels good to talk about my feelings, I guess.

It's making me cry, to be honest.

I like the word fuckbutt.

And fuckpants.

And rhapsody.

I don't know why the last one.

Maybe it's the song, I don't know.

Guys are so fucking clueless, I swear.

I think this is enough, right?

So fucking clueless.

Thanks for reading if you got here.

Much love,

A totally messed up yet very practical teenage person going through current life struggles like crooked backs and CLUELESS BOYS SMH