im baaaaaàck

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by statementstyles

by statementstyles

February 28, 2016

HOLA BITCHES!!

Wow its been a long time??¿

Like half a year I think??

So quick recap:

1. I'm now officially a sophomore, and 16 and 4 months.

2. I do not like "Adam" anymore! And he's in my 2nd period, which I found incredibly awkward at the beginning of the year, except I've actually talked to him and now he's just really fucking annoying.

3. I had my first boyfriend. We dated for 2 months, but I still haven't had my first kiss (ugh)

4. Yeah I really don't know what else?

So yeah. It's been a while. I've done a lot of growing up, some in ways I'm glad and in others I'm not. But hey, everyone's gotta go through it at some point, right?

I'm still struggling with depression though. Usually it doesn't get too bad, but I still feel kinda empty and alone a lot.

I joined my school's Color Guard. It's the ones with the flags and stuff, btw. I've met a lot of really fucking incredible people, and they're all so kind and caring and honestly it's scary because no one besides my family has ever really cared about me before and I'm terrified its all gonna go to shit.

I still want the other side, the one with a boyfriend whom I can fall and love with and tickle and kiss until my lips feel numb. I'm really lonely.

And yeah, I'm only 16. I know I should be focusing on other things, but I can't help but feel like I'm missing a part of me.

I just want someone to really want me, you know? Not like that, "middle school relationship" bullshit. I want the real thing. I want to be the person who they look forward to seeing at the end of the day.

Honestly I just want to matter to someone.

Because right now I feel like no one would care if I just disappeared.

And don't worry, I'm not gonna kill myself or anything. I just wish I didn't feel like this all the time.

My mom says I have an old soul. That I'm too old for my age.

I don't know if that's true, but I do know that I'm more aware of everything than a lot of people my age.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person in the fucked up world that wants the simple things, like someone that you can relate to in ways you never thought you could.

So if any of this strikes a chord, let me know. I'm sick of feeling alone.

Thanks for reading if you got here.

Much Love,

a moody teenager who's all too familiar with loneliness and seeks some comfort from those who relate