There's a lot of reasons why I did it.
Maybe because I thought I deserved it.
Maybe because it made me feel something.
Maybe because it was a well needed release.
But the biggest reason is harder to explain.
I spent so much time feeling like I was crazy, feeling like I was being dramatic.
The only way to validate my pain is to be able to see it.
To believe it.
There's a sort of peace in being able to see what's going on inside your head.
There's some sort of safety in the water turning red.
I could look at myself and see I was struggling to know my pain was real. To know I was worthy of help valid and how I felt.
I did it because my body felt so gross and disgusting.
Because of people who hurt it.
It felt nice to have the power.
For once I was the one hurting me.
Be the one holding the bl@d3.
I know it sounds insane but..
It was the only way to cope with the pain..
