My Attractive Bully - Han Jisung

chapter 19

....
(skipped sunday)

Monday

After break I was walking back in direction my classroom.

Then I met Hyunjin. I just smiled at him as an greeting.

"Hi, baby- oohh, Yume, wait-" he stopped.

"Huh?"

"I wanted to ask you if you want to meet the school psychologist. You maybe really should meet him" Hyunjin awkwardly smiled.

"Oh..." my mood changed.

Suddenly I got pushed from behind
"Yahh, girl, take care!" the rude squirrel shouted at me. Is he always pushing me on purpose? Yea, right? That's not normal anymore.
He turned back to me- I got lost in his eyes. We had eye contact for a few seconds that felt like a whole minute.

"Jisungah, fuck off" Hyunjin clenched his fist.

I got closer to him "No, Hyunjin, it's fine."

"Yea, better control your boyfriend. Weirdos" Jisung said and walked away.

Hyunjin whispered "He really wants to die so bad, huh?"

"Hyunjin, calm your temper. Maybe you should go to therapy instead of me, mate..."

"Don't joke with that- ugh, Yume, I want to help you. Really. Would you go to the school psychologist?- If I say so?" he looked questionable.

I was thinking ....
"I'm sorry... No, I won't."

"Are you sure? Have you ever talked with someone about this?" he asked.

"Umm... no but- it's none of your business."

"I said I want to help you, that's why I'm asking you all this" he took my hand.
I was scared for a moment; I thought he's gonna look at my arm but never mind.
O-oh...
"Oh, you thought I'm gonna...? Did you do it again, by the way?" his facial expression didn't change.

"I think so..."

I thought about yesterday at midnight...
Pills, a lighter, music, me, myself and I.
Exactly what I need.

"What- why didn't you tell me?? I should've been there for you. You could have just tell me, Yume. Why did you do it?- self-harm" Hyunjin talked ... kinda, maybe too loud?!

"Pshhh, don't be so loud..."

"Oh, sorry-" the school bell interuppted him.

I looked at him "I'm late! I need to go to maths class now. See you."

"Hold on, I'll come with you. I have also maths class now" Hyunjin wrapped his arm around me and walked with me.

"Okay, hurry up" I started running.

"Yaaahhh, wait for me" he suddenly ran faster than me.

"Wait for you?? Wait for me!"

"Hahaha..."

...

Well, it turned into everyday- hurting myself. The adrenaline is so good... it feels so comforting. And how it triggers myself even more seeing the blood/the moving fire from the lighter. I miss smoking with Jin; good old times. We were both so mentally fucked up and always met each other after school when we were younger.
He was my best friend. It still hurts seeing us how we fell apart. He was so sad as I told him I need drugs from him. He thought I was getting better- I really wasn't... Someone just stole my self-harm things but I always found a way to hurt myself again.
Jin my dear. I want us to be closer again. It hurts so damn much. It feels like bleeding in the inside; heart-burning.
I'm going to meet Jin. Soon... Now.

<time skips>

I found his apartment. It's the right one. It looks very old.
I wanted to ring the bell but it's broken, so I punched a few times against the door.

"I said I'm not accepting newspaper and-" the tall man stopped as he saw me.
"Yume..."

"May I come in?"

"Sure..." he sounded weird.

I looked around the dorm "Wow, it really still looks like in old times."

"Yume, what do you want?"
Jin crossed his arms.

"Jin-a... I miss you. I miss our deep talks. I miss smoking with you. Everything. It's not the same anymore without you, Jin."

"Are you serious? I thought you were getting better. You said you'll never smoke again. What happened, who hurt you this time?"
he had a weird vibe. I can't say if it's negative or positive...

"I fucking hate Jane. I'm getting bullied again even though I've done literally nothing. For a few moments I thought I'm a ordinary teenager but that shit is driving me mentally insane. I have a damn boyfriend!! And he saw my bandages! What the hell should I do?! I'm lost. And that one guy hurt me so much but I'm somehow obsessed with him. I don't know... He said he loves me and also kissed me but now acts like nothing happened and still bullies me like before. I'm so done with this all. I don't even have any girls friends. There are a few guys that are fine and caring but they have better things to do instead of comforting a mentally insane girl whose got daddy and mommy issues....
Ugh, Yi-Jin, I really need you. You're my only hope."

That was a long explanation.
I never told anyone how I really REALLY feel. Only Jin. Yi-Jin. Hwang Yi-Jin.

"Yume" he sighed.

I doe-eyed him.

He then pulled out a cigarettes box and a lighter. That sound from the lighter- so satisfying...

He gave me the cig.

"Thank you."

Smoke was filling the room. I went to the balcony.

He sat down next to me.
"Life is hard."

"Mhm..."

"You can stay here. If you feel like burning yourself, do it- I don't care"
Jin avoided eye contact.

"Missed you... really."

"I missed you two."

I smiled.

"You said you've got a boyfriend. Like a lovely boyfriend or what type of relationship do you have?"
he asked me.

"Well, he's really really overprotective and can be clingy. Our first sex was raping in my eyes. It was a punishment for telling his ex that he cheated. I deserved it."

"In which school are you going? The shermal ... shermal- yea, you know. Right?" he said.

"Yea, you still know it. Wow....
His name is Hwang Hyunjin. Do you know him? He's pretty fameo-"

"Wait what- Hwang Hyunjin?"
He turned at me.

"You know him?"

"He's my... brother" Jin's face told me he's feeling upset.

"What..." I was so in shock.
"He never told me he has a sibling."

"No wonder..."

....