Your Hearts A Mess. (Ryden Fanfic)

Chapter 27: Moving forward, using all my breath.

After a week of fiddling with lyrics for this song, getting the guitar piece, the drums, the bass, and any other instruments that made an appearance for this track. It was done. Now it needs to played all together, with the other members.

I memorized these lyrics, they're etched into my soul by now since one, I can't forget about who I wrote them for and I've erased and wrote changes over and over again till it was perfect. By perfect I mean discreet enough to where no one will think it's about Ryan.

Spencer's been keeping me distracted with the music but the lyrics only bring me down, those stupid words that only mean something to me. Fucking bastard.

I was sitting on the futon couch with Spencer, my only real friend at the moment. Sure, Pete is a friend but it's not the same. He only wants revenge on Ryan, I don't. Okay, I kind do but I don't want to sabotage happiness even if he really is happy.

Why were me and Spencer sitting on the couch. We were waiting for Ian to come over, to finally play that song. He's bringing his friend as an audition for the bass player. But yeah, Ian is in the band. Spencer likes him and so do I. He's a good guy. I mean he's no Ryan Ross but--shut the fuck up.

Anyway, he's bringing his friend to audition and I couldn't be more relieved. I wasn't looking forward to playing this song without the bass, it would feel incomplete. Like my heart and life.

I glance over at Spencer and sigh. "He'll be good Bren, he'll help us move on." Spencer reassures me and I shrug. We haven't even met the guy yet, he doesn't know anything.

The door bell rings and I shoot up out of my sunk in spot, running my sweaty hand back through my hair before rushing to open the door. The door squeaks when I open it, revealing Ian with a grin and a tall man beside him.

Longish hair and shy smile, brown hair and tall figure. I literally had to tilt my head to look at him. With Ryan I only had to look up with my eyes but I actually have to stretch my head to look at this man.

"Hi, I'm Dallon." He introduces himself and I wave, stepping aside to let them in.

"Hey, I'm Brendon and over there is Spencer." I tell him and point to my best friend that sat at my white couch, his hands motioning a wave towards the Dallon guy.

"Hey, I'm Dallon." The tall man calls.

"I heard." Spencer chuckles and I grin at his sarcastic comment.

"Don't mind him, he's just bitchy. But if you're lucky he'll give you some of his soft side." I smile and lead everyone down to my studio. "Okay Dallon, what songs have you learned?" I ask and sit down beside Spencer, sipping my beer.

He stands there awkwardly and looks around, his jaw dropping a little. "I--uh
," He bites his lip and I raise a brow. "I didn't learn any of the songs." He says and shrugs, grinning softy.

My brow raises more and I look at Spencer, almost laughing. "Really dude? You come to an audition without learning any songs." I chuckle and Spencers laughs agreeingly. I really hope this guy isn't another Brent, because he's out if he is.

"Okay, we'll give you another shot if only you practice our songs by tomorrow." I tell him and Spencer nods, Ian as well. Dallon sighs and nods, picking up a bass. "Watch us today, then we'll do the new song tomorrow." I sigh and hand him the sheet music.

I guess I got to wait another day to play this song.

____________________________

The next day came along and I was looking forward to finally playing that song I yearned to play.

Spencer and I were drinking on the porch, watching Dallon and Ian put their equipment into my studio for the week. "You think the fans will like them?" I ask Spencer and he nods, shrugging a little.

"They're attractive so they'll get a kick." He grins that warming smile. I chuckle and shake my head, rolling my eyes as I go in to help Ian with his amp.

We finally got everything set up after an hour or less, getting into postitions. "You got the sheets right guys?" I ask them and look at Dallon especially. He learned most of our songs, but more importantly he learned the new song.

Ian told me he was sorry about what happened with Dallon, he was just nervous and he wasn't even aware of the audition till two days ago. I felt kinda bad that me and Spencer were so harsh on him but we made up for it by buying him a beer.

Spencer starts a beginning tap with his drum sticks then going into the beat, us flowing in nicely.

" Placing a smile at the perfect event,
Gracing your skin with the side of my hand.
If I ever leave I could learn to miss you
But "Sentimental Boy" is my nom de plume........"

I sang the rest of the song and the band was perfect with it. It was called trade mistakes, probably one of my favorites so far.

I grin and turn around, looking at my new band with a beaming smile. "That was great!" I squeak and put down my guitar. I go over and give everyone a high five. I haven't been this excited in awhile.

I look at Spencer and he gives a nod, me nodding as a double sure.

"To Panic! At the Disco!" I cheer and raise my fist, realizing there was no beer. "I'll go to the store and get some beer to celebrate." I grin and rush out to get my keys, leaving my home to my car.

I get in and drive somewhat happily. That crosses something off my list, finding replacements. Well, I think they are apart of the band now. Spencer likes them and agrees that they should join. I do too but I'm just in denial that Ryan isn't coming back, neither is Jon. That's what Spence keeps telling me anyway.

I still hold onto that little shimmer of hope.

I drive to the store and park in the front parking spot, getting out and going in. I travel to the drink section and grab a 8 pack of beer, a kind that the guys would hopefully like.

I go pay, getting out my wallet and looking up. I suddenly see a familiar head of hair getting an Icee, blue raspberry. Of course, that's the only kind he pretty much likes. Cherry on occasions.

He turns around and I quickly look away as we meet eyes. Fuck. Really? Does this have to happen, now? I hurry up and pay the guy. "Keep the change." I rush and get the pack, heading out quickly.

I rush to my car, feeling a gentle hand on my shoulder before I opened the door. I turn around to the monster that breaks my heart.

It was Ryan, of course. He wasn't holding his Icee.

He looks at me for a second before pulling his hand away from my tensed shoulder. "Hey." He mumbles and I give a little wave back. "I just wanted to apologize for my behaviour at the bar." He says and bites his lip, making me stare.

I stumble a bit, moving from foot to foot. I feel so heavy, like I could fall. "Oh--it's okay. I guess." I shrug and open my door.

"So is that Ian guy even any good?" Ryan chuckles and leans against the car. I squint a bit, looking up into the honey eyes I fall for every damn day.

"Yes, actually," I smirk. "The band is formed." I tell him and get into the car, shutting the door and driving away back to my new band that I just confirmed to Ryan.