Craving Death

Four - Demons

ZEE POV

i was meant to reply to my mate but when exhaustion confounded me, i cant help myself but be succumed by it. the lack of sleep, stress and exhaustion mixed together in this ungrateful body. even though im this tired, sickness is not an issue. itll just shut me down like this which just annoyed me. what i didnt expect was the dream... no... nightmare that came with it.

its them... my late wife and son screaming and pleading me to help them. its as if i was in a bubble and cant reach them no matter how far i ran to their direction. its exhausting me to the point of me falling on my knees. but whenever i look up, i saw them gagged and hanged.

where were you?  came my wifes voice.

daddy... ouchie... now its my sons voice.

i felt myself scream in my dream but very much aware that i did too in reality. my voice is coarse. my face was wet from my tears and i am drenched in sweat. guilt sprung in my chest. time after time, their voices and images wont leave my head. i dont know if im just blaming myself or drowning myself in self pity, all i know is im done with it. im tired.

at this point i usually go to the elder asking... begging for my death, "why cant you give me my death? my family was long gone. i dont have anything to live for anymore."

but his answer is all the same... "not yet."

mate. the thought came to my mind as if my wolf slapped me with it.

im still not so sure about this. i relented yesterday and talked to my mate but theres still this guilt inside me that tells me that im betraying my wife, anita.

all these years of wanting to die just to be with them was washed away by his scent. i dont want to betray them. theyre my world. theyre my life. but... theyre gone... i wanted the goddess to make me believe that im not being played at. that shes not mocking my sadness and their memories.

i shook my head awake and pulled myself together.

the elder messaged me to pick up some stuff for him. hell be bringing those things to the council since lord ayberk asked for a meeting at the castle. it seems theres something being boiled down at the seams and it doesnt feel good.

by the time i stepped into the shop its nearly sunset, it seems i have to wait for the packet to be done before i could get it.

half an hour later, they gave it to me and secured it with a seal. i was walking down the street when i smelled him again. unconconsiously, i followed it. being entranced by it.

and cute... came an electronic voice from his phone.

"whos cute?" he jumped up a foot from his seat and i find it cute. hes tomato red up to his ears. i cant help but smirk.

"hey, zee. whats up?" his mom asked across from me. im awkward. i dont know how to address her. i sat beside my mate and struggled to tame my hand in my space.

"just running on an errand, then i smelled my mate here." i looked at my mate and his reaction was priceless. i can barely see his neck anymore. hes being swallowed by his jacket and i nearly chuckled at that. "so, whos cute?"

my friend. at school. my insides are boiling mad at his reply. theres something inside me that wants him in my lap and secure him in my arms right now. i cant help to let out a possessive growl.

"NOPE! not gonna happened. nuh-uh... im NOT thirdwheeling you guys. im out of here." his mom sensing my discomfort, maybe, jumped out of her seat and left us amused.

i dont like it.

i dont like it that hes liking someone other than me.

damn! im a not a hormone driven teenager to be this possessive. but still the thought of him finding someone other than me whom he could confinde in and spent long periods of time, made me want to lock him up and blindfold him from the world.