Somebody Else

ten - i almost do

Jennie's POV

"I'm tired..." Lisa mumbles in my arms for the forty-thousandth time.

We're on my bed, up early since we have a flight to our encore show in Thailand later. Lisa was clinging to me when I woke up and we haven't moved since.

"I know Lili, we all are. But think about it. You get to go to Bangkok again! We can see your family, explore all the places we missed the chance to before..."

"Unnie."

The pure exhaustion in her voice makes me drop my happy optimistic face and look at her concerned.

"God, Lili, you sound like shit. Are you okay?"

Lisa whimpers, making me tighten my grip around her. "Lis, it's okay. Tell me. What's wrong?"

"It's just... you of all people would understand. We've been so busy lately even though we're technically still on tour... I've been to paris and back twice already and it hasn't even been a month."

"I get it, Li, I really do."

"And I feel bad cause not a single brand deal has gotten through to Chaeng while I'm here complaining about how i have too many."

I lean my head on her shoulder comfortingly. "You must be under a lot of stress now, hm," I murmur soothingly.

"I am." A single tear slides down Lisa's cheek.

"Will you let me cheer you up later? When we're in Bangkok? All our favorite places, I promise."

She perks up, sniffling as she wipes away the last of her almost-tears. "But won't you be tired Nini?"

"I don't care. My priority is making you feel better. Got it?"

Lisa bites her lip. "You sure? I don't wanna be a burden though..."

"You're not a burden Lili. You never will be to me, or any of the girls, okay?" I let out a mock-exasperated sigh.

"Unnie, I'm sorry for-"

"Lisa! Stop. Just let me help you feel better okay? I'm trying to help." I take a deep breath, trying to collect myself. To be honest I don't know why I snapped... the whole point is to make Lisa happy, not sad or angry... what the fuck is wrong with me.

That's when I feel it - the unmistakable burn of a panic attack.

Suddenly I can't breathe. The atmosphere feels solid and I can't inhale or exhale properly, it's like trying to breathe in jagged rocks.

"Jennie unnie? What's wrong?" Lisa looks at me worriedly.

I shake my head, signaling to her that I can't answer right now.

"Nini?"

Lisa's voice feels far away, like I'm underwater and can't get back up. My heartbeat speeds up, tears pricking the back of my eyes. No, not right now... please.

"JISOO UNNIE!"

I cover my ears with my hands as the tears fall, one two three, onto my cheeks. Lisa's screaming only adds to the piercing ringing in my ears and crap, I think I'm gonna vomit...

Kai kai kai everyone hates you you're letting your fans down what's wrong with you Jennie can't you even handle one freaking performance what the hell what's everyone gonna think of you what's wrong with you

A gentle hand lands on my back. "Jendeuk. Breathe."

Somehow I manage to suck in a ragged breath and let it out.