Loveless

Chapter 7

"You won't, baby. I promise."

To put faith in Changbin's whispered promise is a foolish thing to do, you know.

Faith in promises requires trust. Trust that you certainly don't have in him, for he hasn't earned it, and you're sure that he might say the thing same of you.

You know he's determined. Headstrong and capable, because what little you've learned of the Imperators implies that the weak of will aren't welcome among them. Indeed, the way he carried himself when you first met only several days ago was that of a man that held integrity above all else, held loyalty dear to his heart.

Unfortunate though it may have been that you discovered his virtuous qualities through his rejection, the fact remains indisputable that he's a man of principle.

And in light of all that, you suppose there are worse men to which you could have given your first kiss. Worse men with which to have entrusted your innocence.

Legs still wrapped tightly around him, your top half still exposed, you wonder if you'd be allowing any of this to happen if you were of a sounder mind. Because you're not, and you know it. Whether the easing sickness is to blame, or Changbin himself, you can't be sure.

But as you've established ten times over in your head; it doesn't matter anymore.

"Why don't you take that bath?" he suggests softly. "We've still got some time before lights out, and you haven't eaten yet."

Your face must relay your complaint as you twist your nose up at the thought of being removed from Changbin's arms, but still, you suppose he's right. Now that the remnants of your sweat-inducing illness have more or less passed, you're beginning to feel distinctly riper than normal.

Besides, freshening up might return a measure of rational thought to you. Eating might reinvigorate your strength.

You sort of hope it doesn't.

Changbin sets you to the ground gently, thumbing stray strands of hair from your face and tucking them behind your ears. It feels strange, this kind of closeness. This kind of intimacy he swore only to reserve for Elena, yet is now being slathered on you like he loved you all along.

It's almost enough to unnerve you.

"Changbin," you retrieve your pyjama top from the floor and holding it against your chest. "Are we—"

"Don't," he interrupts. "Don't ask me if we're doing the right thing."

You suppose you don't want to be asked either. You nod, taking a deep breath as Changbin presses a kiss to your forehead.

"Get washed up," he instructs. "I'll fix you that soup."

"Thank you..."

You watch as he leaves the ensuite, closes the door and leaves you in the solitude you didn't want. Because as soon as you're left alone, the voices in your head begin to speak up.

You're making a mistake.

Sleeping with him is wrong.

You don't love him, Y/N. He doesn't love you.

He'll hurt you.

You dip your hand into the bath water; lukewarm at best. Turning on the hot water faucet, you let it run a little while, breathing through the anxiety that wants to settle in.

None of it matters, you remind yourself. We're giving up on them together.

On Hyunjin. On Elena.