Not enough.

Cold

TW -- mentions of SH, su!cidal thoughts, implied ED (?)

He stared at the ceiling. Not doing anything. Not crying, despite how miserable he felt. Not even moving.

Love was never something for him. None truly loved him, as it seemed. He didn't want that. He hated it, he hated not having anyone for him. Not even his own parents. He felt alone, he knew he was alone. He no longer had anyone left. Everything was nothing but a blurry memory for him.

He decided to stop thinking for a minute and stood up. He walked to the bathroom and got inside the shower. His skin felt dry. The water burned. It's okay, he deserved it. What kind of person was he? His arm was slightly covered with scars, not that old. He didn't like them.

Jake wouldn't like them.

But he was really mad at him right now. Maybe he would. Jake would love seeing him suffer. Seeing his arm and thighs covered with scars, or seeing him starving himself.

Drew got out of the shower and wrapped the towel around his body. He got dressed and walked downstairs, forgetting to brush his teeth. It's okay, they were already harmed enough. Maybe he should get something to eat. Or not. That was okay too. It's not like he deserved any food. He deserved to feel this way.

And he knew that. He wanted to be gone. He felt stupid for feeling this way just for a person, that made him look just stupid. What kind of person would feel this way because of someone? He didn't want it to be this way, he didn't. Nothing was okay. It was not okay.

Raindrops fell by his window, it had started to rain. Which just slightly made the mood a bit.. calm. But he did not want to feel calm, no. That just wasn't possible at all. He should feel bad, he should feel guilty. He deserved to bleed, to be dead. He didn't want to feel better. He didn't deserve to feel happy, to feel great. He didn't deserve anyone or anything. He didn't deserve warmth.

Or maybe he just was ungrateful. He had a house, he had what he wanted. His parents had pretty much a lot of money, why did he feel this way? He indeed was ungrateful. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't feel happy, but he couldn't feel bad. He didn't deserve it-- He just deserved to bleed, to feel pain, to feel all the pain he caused others. Maybe that's why Zoey didn't want him.

She was much better than him in every way. She was prettier, she deserved more than Drew. He was just useless. He couldn't even give her enough. Now everyone was gone. He was alone. Liam and Henry were probably avoiding him, which he didn't even know why. He lost Zoey.

Most importantly, he lost the person he loved more than anything in the world.

He wanted to run away and forget everything for a moment. Even if it were for a second.

He didn't even deserved what people gave him, everyone did right to leave him. That way he wouldn't hurt anyone else. Only himself. And that was okay. He wanted it to be a nightmare. Just a stupid scary dream, where he woke up and his parents were there to comfort him, telling him everything would be okay and he was not alone. Sadly, that wouldn't ever happen again.

He got his jacket and an umbrella and walked to the front door, leaving his house. He hated it there.

It was cold outside.

- - -

Jake woke up, hoping Hailey answered or at least read his texts.

He had always liked her. More than a friend, she meant a lot to him.

But now she was gone. All of those sweet memories, were nothing but forgotten by now. Could he have actually done something about it? Even though he wanted to blame Drew and the others, he still felt guilty. He wanted to force himself into believing it wasn't his fault. It didn't seem to work.

He turned on his phone. Apparently, Hailey didn't even see his mesagge. She was probably ghosting him. She had all the right to be angry, though. Jake didn't. He didn't even want to get up, anyway. Everything he could think about was them. He couldn't find a way to distract himself, he just couldn't. They made him feel special, they treated him like none ever did, they made him feel good. And he ruined it. He ruined his own happiness and, damn, that sucked. He was stupid. He loved her. He loved them. And he ruined it. He ruined everything he worked so hard to get. He wanted to cry. But to who? Who was there for him now? Not even Drew, Liam or Henry. Not the music club. Everything he built-- It just faded away. Everything seemed to remind him of them.

''Is this okay?'' He questioned to himself constantly. Because it didn't feel okay. He wanted to fix everything, but he knew he couldn't. Who would listen to someone as fucked up like him? ''Maybe I should be dead.'' He kept thinking. He wanted those thoughts to go away, but he knew they were just the truth. He was denying the truth, avoiding it. He missed everything, everyone. Even Drew and his other friends. Of course he was just really angry at them, but did he even deserve to be angry? He should be angry at himself, not them. He should blame himself until the guilt kills him. Maybe he'd be better off dead.

Nothing seemed to work for him. He wasn't that far away from losing hope. Even he himself couldn't believe he hadn't lost it long ago. He didnt want to be treated this way anymore. He wanted to feel warm one more time. He wanted to feel loved once again. For one last time, at least. He wanted to feel her touch. He wanted to hear her voice calling his name. He could hardly remember her voice now, though.

Even if they all could've chose anyone else, they choosed him. They choosed Jake. And he didn't apppreaciate that enough, he just ruined it. What an idiot.

-Hey, Jake.. I brought you something to eat. I hope you're feeling better, bro. -His little brother, Milo, left him some breakfast on his desk. -Thanks.. -He answered, he loved his brother but he just didn't want to talk to anyone. Milo would surely understand, though!

-Do you want me to feed Oreo? I can do it for you, so don't worry! But I'm just asking. -Milo asked. Jake didn't respond, he didn't know what to say. So his brother took that as a 'yes'.

Wow. He was really stupid. His own little brother having to do what he was supposed to. That was just funny. He hated himself.

He felt cold.

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AYAAAY FIRST CHAPEYRRT!!!! EHEHE sorrry if i have any grammar mistakes,,, i hurt my hand rly bad yestrday so i cant rlly write but like yeahhh!!! anywayh aha i hope this chapters nto bad.... ill go tkae a shit now.<3