The restart

1

At some point I feel like a fish out of the aquarium for not being part of your life and I feel lost because I left my life to live yours, I feel frustrated for being dependent on someone so cruel to the point of allowing me to suffer for something that you yourself made me feel LOVE like you said you felt when you looked me in the eyes, or even when we fought and you told me you loved me I still have that for me today which was a way to reassure me and make me stay, in the moment when you opened the door for me to leave, i felt i couldn't live without you, how can one person not live without another? can one person for another? I think only in Romeo and Juliet. Everything was for you, my smiles, my thoughts, my achievements or failures, it was just staying in that little corner by your side, until the day you were waiting for so much, I really wasn't prepared, we had lived through so many things that I didn't think would be at that moment we would give our end. I looked at your notification 20 times before I actually got the courage to read "Let's work this out" feeling like we're going to work this out and stay together until you give me a cold shower "I guess we have to wait until I graduate and then we'll know if we're going to be together" I collapsed feeling like I was slowly dying and the only option I had was to just feel the pain. No one close to me to lean on, alone feeling the pressure and reading and rereading it all in disbelief, the "what now?" spontaneously arose with other thoughts in my mind and I didn't know what to do or what to say, something in me told me to react but allow myself to sit on the bathroom floor and cry like a baby that has just lost its way. The reaction that it was all a lie stayed on my face for a long time, I spent many months reading and rereading the messages, when I completed 3 months of being single I thought I had already gotten over it and that it was just the past, but until I fell into reality and realizing that I hadn't overcome it, but just avoided the unexpected.