The restart

3

I loved every walk and view by the sea at night, I loved every Macdonald's and chocolate milkshake that you didn't like, I loved every smile of yours, I loved every touch of yours, I loved how my name and nickname sounded in your voice, I love you I loved you completely I wanted you completely I made you my home where nothing could take me away and do anything wrong, I loved how the word I love you sounded in your passionate voice, your smile enchanted me and made me feel most accomplished person in the world, I loved the butterflies in my stomach that you give me when you look at me, I loved every detail of you and ours, how can I love someone who once hurt me? How can we allow ourselves to feel something for someone who doesn't even want to know about you? how can we be hurt even more by the past? tell me if you loved me, tell me that you felt something for me, tell me that nothing was a lie, tell me that i didn't love alone, just tell me if i was something important to you. I still wait for a message from you every Sunday as usual saying that you were going to come by at 7:30 pm to pick me up, that you were looking forward to seeing me, I still wait for a message from you saying that I am the only one you want, I still wait for you to come back and tell me it was all a joke, I'm still waiting for an explanation. I expect so much from you that you can't even imagine I have so many things to tell you that you wouldn't believe, I started working harder to occupy my mind, thinking about you was driving me crazy and making me feel guilty for something I didn't even know, thinking about you it made me nauseous, I wanted to avoid you, I wanted to let you go without hurting me, I wanted you to understand my side, I wanted so much, I wanted you with me as I also wanted to never have met you, you knew that I still spend nights and nights looking for a message from you or rereading the messages I have left? Do you believe I look at our never posted photos and feel like I have a huge void in me? The last time I saw you I felt like it would be the last time we met or saw each other like it was goodbye. I was saying goodbye with just a look and I feel that you returned that goodbye but I also feel that one day we will meet but I won't know how to behave. I believe I'm doing well with my fresh start, but I don't know about you...