Children of Sun and Peace

Chapter 55. - They Were Best Friends Once

"Thank you for stopping me today. I know you didn't do it for me. But you did stop me from exposing myself," Freya broke the silence between her and Liv once they finally reached the truck and sat inside. Watching the city lights in front of them from the parking lot.

"You're welcome," Liv replied as she leaned back into the passenger seat, briefly closing her eyes. Freya wondered if maybe the trip wasn't a bit too much of a physical strain on her.

"We should get you home now. You look like you'll pass out on me any second now," Freya said with a smirk, trying to lighten up the mood as she turned the keys in ignition.

"I know you hate them. And you have full right to. I felt so much resentment towards Colin today when I remembered what he did to you. But I can't abandon them. Please don't hate me for it, too," Liv whispered.

"I don't hate you, Liv," Freya sighed. "I wouldn't just stand by and let you become part of our family if I hated you," she added.

"But you don't like me either," Liv said. There was sadness in her eyes as she looked out of the window, turning away from Freya likely in an attempt to hide her emotions. But she was too slow and Freya caught it. And it broke her heart.

"I lost you, Liv. You and mom and dad and Sheyla. For the first year I was here, your faces, your voices, it haunted me. Broke me. I had to let you go. I couldn't cling to something I was never getting back if I wanted to live. And when I saw you tied to that table back in Iris harbor, I didn't know what to do. I just knew that I wasn't the person you once knew and it felt wrong to expect you to just accept it," Freya said, her words heavy on her tongue.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I did it to protect myself. I already lost you once. And despite not talking to you for years, I couldn't stand the idea of losing you again. And whenever I thought of it, of how you looked at me with fear and disgust when you saw me fight that day, I was angry. Because it felt unfair. Because you weren't here. And you had no right to judge me yet your judgement meant so much still," Freya sighed unsure if anything she just said made any sense.

"I was afraid. I still am sometimes. You can be scary. All of you. And sometimes when you guys talk about killing others so casually, it's not easy to listen to. But I think you know that. I think you were once in my shoes. And that's what hurts the most, because sometimes I look at you and I wonder what happened to make you this way and it breaks my heart. And I know you don't want my pity, so I won't give you any. But when I saw you in that harbor, I thought it was you. And then you were just so distant and it hurt me, because I was terrified and alone, stuck with these people whom I didn't know, completely at their mercy. And knowing it was really you, it would have really helped," Liv replied.

"I can't be the girl you once knew. I can't be Noyla, your best friend, the captain of the cheerleader squad. But that doesn't mean I can't be a friend," Freya willed the truck to move just as it began snowing.

"I'll take it," Liv smiled weakly.

"So how are your friends?" Freya asked to avoid the awkward silence which would inevitably follow.

"They are... absolutely miserable in all honesty. The conditions in the camp are horrendous. They don't even have a bed. Just a pile of furs in a one room cottage," Liv admitted, clearly showing her disgust with the situation.

"I used to live a bit like that," Freya chuckled.

"You did?" Liv looked shocked.

"Yeah. Back in Duskfall, we didn't have much. Our house had a small kitchenette, a fireplace and a massive old couch in one big room. There was fur everywhere to keep the heat in. We would board up windows every night and boil water on this ancient stove so we could shower. We had one bookshelf with like three books on it, a deck of cards and an underground gym with rundown equipment. And there was a half floor where we all slept. The eight of us, next to each other, sharing body heat under a skylight. I used to watch the stars through it when I couldn't sleep," Freya chuckled at her own words, lost in memories of her first Northern home.

"You sound like you liked it there," Liv said with surprise in her voice.

"Because I did. If you ask the others, they'll tell you Duskfall was a shithole. And it was, to a degree. I nearly died there. But that house, it's where Devan taught me how to shift. Where Nolan gave me my first tattoos, where we began dating. It's where we'd play snowball fights in the backyard, play cards all night, go to hot springs for a chill afternoon. It's where I met Az for the first time," Freya said dreamily. "It was home to me."

"Why did you guys leave?" Liv asked.

"I told you before. There was a rogue attack. They took over the town and burnt the house down. We weren't welcome any longer, so we packed what was left of our stuff and left for Midnight City," Freya shrugged as if it was nothing, not wanting Liv to know just how much she cared for the place still.

"You miss it," Liv read into her emotions anyway.

"Sort of. I think I miss the illusion of it more than what it really was. I miss what I had there, but what I had was a brief experience. If you ask the rest of our group, none of them seems to be missing the place all that much. Except Lucia maybe, but that's because she actually had someone there to leave behind," Freya admitted to both Liv and herself the not so comfortable truth. Duskfall in her mind was mostly just the good stuff. The bad got pushed away, almost like the memory of Summerlands.

"I admire you. I mean sometimes you scare me, but I admire you regardless," Liv spoke again when they came to a halt on one of the city centre intersections. Streets were busy as a fresh wave of light snow began falling onto the crowds passing by.

"Why?" Freya asked, amused by those words.

"How could I not? Look at you, at the life you built here. Colin basically sent you to hell years ago and you just walked in here and now you're heading for the throne. I wish I was half as capable as you are," Liv explained just as the traffic light turned green allowed Freya to start driving again. They were almost home now, which was good, because Freya could tell Liv needed a rest.

"Well, we both know I've always been a bit too stubborn and overly ambitious," Freya chuckled, unsure of how to respond to the unexpected praise. Liv laughed at that before going quiet, her eyes watching the Midnight City streets as they passed through them. Freya usually didn't mind silence, but this one grew heavy with Liv' unspoken fears and pain. Freya knew the feeling. Even if it was but a distant memory now.

"Hey Liv, it'll get easier. You'll be fine. This place isn't so bad," Freya tried to cheer her up. But she also knew more than anyone how hard it could be to adjust to a life that's so very different from everything she once knew.

"Yeah, I know. I'll figure it out. I have my best friend here, even if she's taking her sweet time to return to me," Liv offered a weak smile in return.