BTVS/ATS collections

Holding secrets and the C word

Pairing: Willow Rosenberg × Winifred Burkle

Warnings: implied character death, Angst [with a happy ending], Major terminal illness

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Something had been on Willow's mind for weeks. Fred seemed to pay less and less attention to her, of course this wouldn't be a concern if it wasn't for the fact that Fred was paying attention to someone else. The more important factor being who she was paying attention to instead.
Things had never been rough between the witch and the physicist, they got along like peas in a pod- or two manic babblers in a room- willow loved to listen to fred talk about science, fact being she was something of a genius herself in high school. But her concern only grew and blossomed the less fred talked- by nature the scientist was a babbler, always had been and always would be, so the seemingly sudden quietness from the girl perked her senses with concern. Her trust in Fred was the only thing that allowed her to push her worry aside- temporarily anyway. Until it got worse.

Fred and Willow barely spoke now, just an uttered goodnight and a quiet good morning. Maybe a ‘hello’ in passing if Fred was in a good mood that day- tho she seldom was- the witch was pissed off if nothing else, surely Fred wouldn't just straight up ignore her?? They'd been doing so well.
The only thing she could really do is ask- but by bringing it up she risks pushing Fred away and given who her attention was now directed to the witch didnt think that was a good idea. Gunn. the physicist's ex-lover, a strong demon hunter, seemed to be the centre of fred's attention, the little dark devil in the back of Willow's brain whispered to her. Told the witch that maybe Fred had grown tired of her, or decided she was done with experimenting and wanted to go back to men. The witch was angry, couldn't put up with it anymore, she needed answers.
In a haze of anger she stormed off to their shared room- knowing that Fred would be in there- she was probably scrawling away at her newest science theory. Or thinking about Gunn…. The wiccan tried to push that thought aside, it only angered her and anger wasn't the way to go about this.
She rasped on the door, not waiting for a reply before all but storming in, trying to compose herself she takes the bed- next to the desk Fred was currently sat at.
‘We need to talk.’ the redhead states, matter of factly. Fred looks nervous, that didn't sound good.
‘Course will, what's on your mind?’ fred uttered, almost fearfully, almost. Willow felt guilty, that sentence was definitely not the best conversation opener but no going back now.
‘Why are you ignoring me?’ The witch was straight to the point, she didn't want to make a big fuss if Fred had a genuine reason to be directing her attention elsewhere.
‘I'm not, will, just been so busy, sciency stuff you know?’ ok now willow was angry, fred had become less and less invested in her work, she was lying to her! The witch couldn't stop her growing anger, couldn't help when it escaped- directed at fred.
‘NO! No you haven't Winifred! You've had all eyes on gunn for weeks now, don't think i don't see! If I'm just an experiment for you, if you just wanted to take girls for a spin before skipping back to men, I'm not the one for that. I love you fred but i absolutely won't allow myself to be used like that!’ the witch bellowed, on the verge of tears, before storming out. She felt guilty, of course she did, but it needed to be said. Now she had said it and there was no taking it back. She sat in the lobby of the hyperion, sulking, wondering if she had just destroyed her and Freds relationship.

Fred sat at her desk and sobbed, she wanted to run to willow, grovel at her feet and tell her everything. Give her an explanation, tell her this was all one big misunderstanding. But to do that would be a betrayal to gunn, he confided in the scientist to ask if there was anything she could do, any magic she had maybe learnt from willow. He was dying, and Fred had to be the one to tell him that there's no magical cure for cancer- or even sciency cure- he made her promise not to tell the rest of the group, hoping that maybe he'd go out fighting before he went out in a hospital bed. He didn't want them to worry, dumb old gunn still trying to think about everyone else.
She had been keeping a close eye on him, keeping him company, so far she's the only one that knows, the only one that he can really take his strong brave face off with. She hadn't even noticed she had totally neglected willow in that time.

Willow was still sitting in the lobby, sulking, overthinking every action she had taken that day in the lead up to her confronting fred. She had gone about it all wrong- didn't even give the scientist a chance to explain. Oh gosh she had totally and utterly fucked everything up.

Fred decided to tell Willow, tell her everything-sure she was betraying Gunn in a way but he shouldn't have asked her to keep a secret like that- it was a pretty big burden to hold herself and Willow was her girlfriend. She couldn't keep this from her any longer. Halfway down the stairs she was surprised to see the witch ascending. She was about to speak when Willow interrupted her. ‘Im sorry Fred, I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I was just so worried and caught up in my own head but it was wrong of me and i'm sure you have a good reason for your attention to gunn’ fred noticed that willow looked rather solemn, sad, like she still half expected fred to turn around and say she was in love with Gunn. ‘oh will. I'm sorry, I really didn't mean ta ignore ya, it's jus, some stuff. We can go upstairs to talk, this needs privacy.’ The two walked the stairs to their shared room.

Sitting down on the bed, facing each other and knees touching, Fred explained everything to willow- she explained how Gunn was dying- how he had made her swear to keep it secret and how she was just so worried about him.
Willow was crying now, she felt so truly guilty about how she had treated Fred over this. The witch pulled the scientist into her arms, both of them crying. Crying for Gunn, crying for the way they had acted toward one another and crying for their lack of contact recently.

‘I'm so so sorry fred. I didn't know, it's not fair that he asked you to keep this all to yourself. And it's not fair that I got so angry with you. I'm sorry’ the witch practically begged for forgiveness. ‘S 'okay Will, i get it, really, you were jus worried. I was worried bout Gunn too, I don't know what to do, I feel so lost.’ Fred was in tears. Her friend was going to die, inevitably. And there was nothing she could do to stop it.
‘There isn't anything we can do, Fred, except be there for him. As sad as this is, these things happen, the PTB always seem to make the worst things happen to the nicest people. Again, I'm so sorry, I feel awful. What can I do to make it up to you?’ the witch asked. Freds eyes showed a playful glint, wiping her tears away as she smirked. ‘Well, i gotta couple ideas on how you can make it up to me.’ she whispered to the redhead. Willow laughed and both women fell back on the bed, caught up in playful smirks and heated laughs.