Rich man's Hell, Poor man's Heaven

ENTRY FIVE

Entry Five

I was taken to my godparents' house, once the police looked me up, no thanks to me. When they saw me, they knew something was wrong. I was no longer consumed in anxiety and fear after the car accident. I did still experience the two, but I wasn't paralyzed in it. I tried to explain my experience to my godfather, who I usually went to with everything. I don't think he realizes it, but he has a natural gift of leadership. It's very easy for me to go to him for counsel or clarity. That was not common for me.

I assumed my delusions were reality, and tried to explain them as such, and this led to them getting me help. He is a rehabilitation counselor and has a past with the side effects of drugs, so he believed I was in psychosis and showing signs of mania. I don't disagree with that; however, I didn't take that kindly at the time. Once I received help, after about a week, I started to recover my mind and my thoughts. I was no longer consumed in overlapping thoughts, and my spirit was now quiet. I felt a lot better but was still unsure that I wasn't being tricked by reality. I still had doubts that I wasn't in a matrix, seeing a false reality around me.

Now, I'm not saying that we don't live in a false reality, in a sense. I am simply saying that the false reality I thought I was living in was augmented and that we were in an invasion we've already lost by foreign creatures out of our world. Another week later, I was finally able to leave the help I was receiving. Something about me changed my mentality, my perspective, my desires, my wants, and ultimately, my heart. Once I got back to my godparents', I burned all my witchcraft items. I got rid of any crystals I had that I declared any power to.

When I was sent to receive help, I was 140 pounds. When I went to live with my friend, I was around 185 pounds. I am a 5'10 male, I was never built to be slender, and I haven't been that small since I was younger. I didn't even know I was that small, because I was always concerned with losing any stomach fat that made a hump in my clothes. I gained a healthy weight when I went to get help. After I started living with my godparents again, temporarily, I decided I needed to read the bible. I knew something was wrong in this world that we are very misinformed about, but I can say that I only realized that after what I experienced.

I don't know if I said it prior, but I have a hazy memory of what happened, so I shortened the explanation to a straightforward manner. There is a supernatural, otherworldly occurrence that is happening in the heavens and on Earth. As has been described, we are at war with things we can barely understand or even see. Many are unable to perceive the truth in what I just said, because it requires a willingness to admit limitation in one's control, but regardless of how one may feel about that, it is reality.

I never had the strength to sit down and read scripture for a period, so I typically avoided it. I read what I disliked, and it pushed me further from reading it altogether. After I experienced what I experienced, I couldn't put the bible down. It was as if what I was reading had become a flowing river of reality, greater than my own life. I slowly began to understand who saved my life throughout my mental breakdown, and who exactly is Jesus, who loves me so much. As I began to gain a better foundation of clarity in my own beliefs, I also had to choose how I would stand with what I believed.

When I left the house I had with my friend, I unconsciously decided that I would be leaving our relationship as it was. I could not continue to live like her, or any of my friendships similar, anymore. I had asked the property owner to remove me from the lease, and without any payment or problem, I was given my request. My parents were setting me up for my own place because my great grandfather, who they were taking care of, found a resemblance in my mental trials to his ex-wife. Out of respect for his concern, I accepted his decision.