No Name

Chapter 8

My recovery was advancing well physically but mentally I wasn't following. Mamà was dealing with PSG and the negotiations with her manager so I didn't tell her I was struggling. I felt so sad at times I didn't even know why but it felt like sadness was crushing me. Maybe learning that Jenni might not be my mom legally it crushed me, even if they said that there was no reason to worry I couldn't help it. Was it too much to ask for a loving family who would stay and love me till I am ready to spread my own and help me by teaching me how to fly on my own. And be there if I ever faltered... Maybe it was.

At night thoughts were invading me and sleep was avoiding me, and with the fatigue these thoughts were even more present. I was trying so hard to block this voice in my head who was telling me that it would never work and that when she would realize I wasn't worth it she would leave me just like all the others did. I knew that Sandra and Clément died and didn't leave because of me and because they wanted to. Rationally I knew, doesn't mean I didn't feel abandoned. I didn't want to cry, it made me feel empty and tired inside after and I didn't want Jenni to know. Truthfully I didn't know how to put it into words.

-Hey! Pequena it's time to eat. I called you but you didn't hear me. Pequena you okay ?

- Yes. Everything okay, ... well except that Maths exercise I don't understand the instruction it feels like a trap! I said with a smile.

- Well you'll get back to it later, dinner is gonna turn cold. When is it for ? You could the girls some might be of help. Jenni said while walking back.

-It's for Friday.

-We are Wednesday. Since when do you have it ? I looked at my plate not answering. "You could have done it earlier is what I understand, make sure to plan those things better. It will help you in the future even more when it's something you are not good at. Okay ?"

I nodded half to say yes and half to placate her. After dinner I retreated to my room to finish my homework.

Jenni's POV

Lately when I come home Nemo is always in her room, I feel like she is avoiding me but I might just be worrying for nothing. I don't really know, so the best course of action Mamà certified is to wait and stay alert. Make sure she knows I will always be there for her but technically the best way to do that I think is to finally legally have a breakthrough and good one. Not the shit we got at her birthday.

It makes me so angry, the parents of her old foster house have nothing to do with my daughter and they are trying to take her from me. And the club don't want to let Nemo go either and said that they would just ask someone else to take her in their care, someone who would stay longer. I was so angry after they said this, I had to talk to someone who wasn't part of the club and who knew about Nemo. I called Lola who listened to me and calmed me down. And said to me "Your teammate knows kind of what's going on even if they don't have the whole story, you should trust them they will do everything to make Mini ti happy. Don't you think?". Of course she is right (not all the time but she has her moment). I decided to not create a scandal and didn't tell the girls what the higher ups said, and Nemo already had too much on her plate and didn't need to know what was going on.

A few days later I got a text from Irene telling me to come in early tomorrow, I was a bit surprised it seemed important. So even if she didn't want to say what it was about the next day I went to the facilities early, I wasn't expecting to see the whole team here.

-Are you stopping the adoption process, does Nemo knows ? asked Irene before I could even say anything.

-Qué ? What ? Absolutely not wait did you get news I didn't ? What's going on ? Irene ?!

-They told us to find someone to adopt Nemo, someone else than you, said Endler.

They didn't need to develop. I knew what was going on.

-I am not stopping adopting Nemo but I want to go back to Spain and Nemo will come back with me. We talked about it, that's what she wants to... but the higher ups don"t want to let her go.

Irene sighed, seemingly relieved.

-Okay, we are behind you and Nemo, we will fight with you to make sure she stays by your side.

All the girls agreed, the only ones who weren't there were the minors and those under 20 years old. It warmed my heart to know that they had come to me and asked me first before doing anything.

-If you had stopped the adoption process, said Endler while everyone was talking to each other, I would have beat your ass till you got your head straight again and got back to Mini ti.

-I would have helped her, adds Irene, she is as good for you as she is for you. She makes you happy.

-I know.

I smiled thinking about Nemo, this shy weird girl who loves anime and football but fears that she isn't good enough for anyone and in the meantime wants to make sure that everyone she cares about is happy. Her CPS agent had told me that when she was little she was a bit of a clown but the constant changing of foster family had changed her.

I would have liked a lot to see her doing pranks all around and jokes everywhere and maybe one day she will get back to it, but for now she is more like a shy porcupine or hedgehog than a clown. She is a cute hedgehog with a golden heart, when she feels that I am sad she will do everything to make me smile again and in a sense she might still have a jokester side to herself but she expands to being empathic which is now one of her greatest qualities.

Yeah my daughter is gonna be a great woman when she grows up. She just needs to learn to accept help from others. And soon she will be part of a family who will always be here for her, even when she doesn't want to.