SELFISH DESIRES

Misconception

My eyes fluttered open darting across my room. I had a very blurry memory of what happened last. I remembered getting my ass beat and even puking my guts out but not how I got into my bed. I sighed rolling over stopping immediately when I felt another body beside me. Marshall was sprawled out beside me. It all flooded back to me. I suddenly recalled being carried to my bed and Marshall crawling in next to me. A wave of a sort of excitement washed over me. Or maybe I just really liked the fact that he was in my bed.

He looked so peaceful sleeping like he didn't have to wake up and think about the fact he couldn't go home. Or that his mother didn't want him there. It was the most peaceful I had seen him. That is how I wished I saw him all the time. When he is at his worst it absolutely destroys me. It reminded me of the time he was in my lap uncontrollably crying and hyperventilating because his mother had told him that his father was dead and he would never find him. This was a long time ago around the 8th grade, but it was heart-breaking seeing him like that.

What mother could say that to their child knowing it would destroy him? What made it worse was that she was lying he is alive and well somewhere. She was just angry at him for 'complaining' that he was hungry. Sometimes I wished we could just save up and run off once we turned 18 and even take Zach with us. I knew this was most definitely impossible because we both didn't come from families with money. Even with a job we'd still need a good three years of saving. 

I let him sleep for a good five more minutes before I decided to wake him. There was no way I was going to school, but I wasn't going to let him skip the day for me.

"Marshall. Marshall get up." I whispered and he groaned softly. " Marshall get the fuck your going to be late." I started jabbing him in the side now. He rolled over away from me covering his face with a pillow. I got on my knees looking over his sleeping body. I kneeled down and blew air into his ear.  

"Ah fuck! What the fuck Neveah!" He cupped his ear and jolted up into a sitting position. I  laughed   not trying to hold it in. The annoyance in his face said it all. 

"God your so dramatic." I rolled my eyes and tossed a pillow at his head. 

"Whatever. Ugh, yo why did you gotta get me up so early?" He drooped his head rubbing his eyes harshly. 

"It's not even early and you got school that's why." He groaned loudly in annoyance tossing the pillow back at me. "Ow, fuck Marshall!" The side of my face began to feel hot and swollen again.

"Oh, shit. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I forgot." He said with a hand over his mouth.

"Just get your ass to school already." Slowly I attempted to sit up leaning against my headboard for support.

"No, I'm not going." His tone made him sound like a 13 year old refusing to go to school. "I don't feel like going to school with 5 hours of sleep."

"Well, what about Debby Downer." His widened and there was a glint of excitement in his eyes. After all this and he was still hooked on her. Oh, well. I wasn't about to be the one in the way of his happiness.

"What about her?" He shrugged while picking at a thread in the pillow he picked up. Either I misread his expression, or he was trying to play it off like he didn't care for her for some reason. 

"So, you telling me your over her now?" He nodded quickly in response. "Your such a bad liar."

"Can I tell you something? You promise you won't get mad." Marshall began fidgeting with the steel ring on his finger. One he had kept from what he had thought to be his father's. He had found it a while back in his mother's room. It was like a shred of hope he held on to that maybe he might find his dad one day.