ᴬʳᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᵗʰᵉ ᵒⁿᵉ?

wrong✿⁠

"Perhaps if we searched in the depths of our hearts, we would find that they are innocent. They do not know what deceit and hypocrisy mean. Hearts that are transparent like glass. But if you abuse them, they will hurt you. Hearts if you betray them, they will tear you. And they will make you suffer as glass does. These are the hearts that love" I.A 

I don't know why I've always felt like I needed my dad in those moments when my mom broke me, despite the fact that he's as guilty as she is, but I can't help but think that he might be better. A good father to me, someone who can sacrifice for me, someone who can show me the love, someone who gets my back, someone who's there for me whenever I need it, someone to be my north star. I know that this is unlikely to happen because, according to my mom, he left us when I was 4 years old, and I have neither a memory of him nor a picture. I've always heard that I look like my dad; perhaps that's why my mom hates me.

Actually, that's why she hates me. She has never liked it whenever someone points out a similarity between Dad and me. And whenever we argue, she throws those harsh words at me as if she's seeing my dad's face instead of mine. I've always asked her where my dad is, why he left us, and if we could visit him one day, but she always refused to talk about him.

I wanted to clear my mind, so I went to the roof, but it was so small that I started to think even more. Fortunately, the park is near my house, like a 5-minute walk. I took my jacket and went out; a solo walk would definitely work with me. I mean, what can a 13-year-old girl do except walk and cry her eyes out of sadness, frustration, or even anger? 

I kept walking down the park , watching the sky and the grass, wandering around it like a lost puppy. One thing I like this area is noone seems to care about someone ; especially, when someone is getting bullied or harrased , they just turn the blind eye. I mean I have experience with certain things, certain situations where I have wished someone to help but nobody seems to see or hear.

I glanced at a bank near the lemon tree, it looks so calm and peaceful with the lemon sent on top, suitable for thinking moments. I sat down and started to think about how different my life could be if dad didn't leave us , my mom would probably not hate me, Yeon Jae would also be a good friend of mine , I could simply be happy as any other person. But you know the saying" we desire what we can not acquire" , it's true , I mean I have everything a person could want to have, beauty, fame, wealth but not love , I can't afford this simple feeling and emotion.

Jay: can I sit next to you?

His soft voice cut my thoughts and out of nowhere I found myself nodding without facing him.

Jay: hope I didn't bother you.
Y/n: of course not!
Jay: so , why are you out at this time?
Y/n: probably, because I got tired of the thing named my house. Why are you out?
Jay: I wanted to clear my mind out of something when I saw you and decided to come and say hi
Y/n: well, thank you for being nice.
Jay: are we friends now?
Y/n: I Don't share my seat with anybody.
Jay: glad to be called your friend.

You both kept on talking, you got to know eachother more, it's not very likely to have a friend , a mature friend like jay, if he did not mention his age, you'd probably thought that he's very old , but in fact he was 2 years older than you. Interesting