Scared of love

16

~Kieran's POV ~

My eyes open briefly as I roll over, still half asleep. It's when I notice that Poppy is not next to me, that they open completely.

I roll on to my side and look at the clock, which reads 3:12am. She must have woken up and couldn't sleep.

Its been four days since Jason was killed and it has really hit her that he's dead. She's like a zombie at the moment and I feel awful that there's nothing I can do except be there for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on.

Today is Saturday, the day of the funeral. Poppy has begged me to go with her and I've told her that I will.

I climb out of bed and go through to the kitchen. Poppy is sat at the table over a cup of coffee with tear stained cheeks. She ignores me as I walk up to her. I simply kiss the top of her head and tell her that I love her. Then I sit in the chair next to her and take her hands in mine.

Seeing her this upset breaks my heart. "I couldn't sleep." She chokes out.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" I ask as my thumbs rub over the back of her hand.

"That's not fair on you." She pulls one hand away and drinks from her coffee.

"But you were out here crying on your own while I slept." I frown feeling awful.

"I'm fine, Kieran." She tries to smile. "I'm going to go back to bed, are you coming?" Poppy stands up and places her dirty mug in the sink.

"Yup." I stand up with her. Truth is, I'm shattered, but I had to get up and make sure she was okay. Or as okay as she is going to be.

We go into the bedroom and I slip under the covers. I lay on my back and Poppy crawls in next to me, resting her head on my chest and curling up as close to me as she can.

I wrap my arms around her and hold her close as we start to nod off again.

The next time I wake up, it's from the slam of the wardrobe door. Its light now, but it feels as though I've only been asleep five minutes.

"Sorry." She says, but her voice is dry, tired, and sad. Sighing, I get up and wrap my arms around her from behind. She melts in to me quietly. Today is going to be very hard for her.

"I'm going for a shower." She informs me and moves away. I watch her walk away. There's no liveliness about her at all.

I go to the wardrobe and take out a pair of black trousers, a black shirt and a tie. Carefully, I place them on the end of the bed and go through in to the kitchen. I make Poppy a cup of coffee and myself a glass of milk.

Just as I'm finishing my drink, Poppy comes out of the bathroom wrapped in a white towel and one around her hair. I can't help but admire just how beautiful she is.

"Do you have a hair dryer?" She asks.

"As a matter of fact, I do. Drink this and I'll go and get I for you." I point to the blue mug and then go through in to my room.

My cousin, Alissa, Mile's sister, left it here when she came to visit.

I take hold of it and place it on my bed for Poppy when she needs it.

When I go back through in to the kitchen, Poppy is holding the warm mug in her hands. "Its on the bed for you. I'm going to take a shower now." I go and kiss her on the forehead then go to the bathroom.

I've never taken very long to shower, so in no longer than ten minutes, I'm out and wrapping a towel around my waist.

I brush my teeth before leaving the bathroom and when I go back in to my room, Poppy has pulled on a black dress that goes to half way down her thigh and black tights.

She's dried her hair and it flows down to her waist beautifully. Shes currently knelt in front of the full length mirror, straightening her hair. Her mother sent her straighteners with me the night I went to talk to them. As I walk past her I stroke the back of her head and she presses in to my palm. "I love you." She whispers.

"I love you too, Baby Girl." I smile at her.

****

In a harrowing silence, we all walk up the gravel path to the old church. Poppy has hold of my hand in a death grip and her father walks next to her.

Poppy has a large family. There are many people here. Aunts and uncles, cousins, grand parents and family friends. In total, I'd say there are about 100 people here, all dressed in black.

We enter the church. At the front, there are pictures of Jason. Some of him playing a guitar and some of him with his family. There's one large one of just him though with a broad smile on his face. Him and Poppy look so much alike.

The coffin is a deep brown with a gold plaque on top. The handles are intricately decorated. The flowers are white and they surround the coffin. But in front, there is a large set of flowers that spell out the word 'Son'.

After we have taken our seats and get settled, Mrs Mendez is crying. Poppy however, is sat there with the emptiest look on her face I have ever deemed possible. I can only imagine the grief she must be feeling.

She's so quiet and still, like a statue. The only way for me to tell she's still really there, is the ever tightening grip on my hand.

To be honest, I have to admit that I do feel slightly out of place, only knowing Poppy and her parents, but she asked me to be here, so I came.

"Welcome, All." The priests voice fills the large room and we all turn to attention. "I am very sorry that we are gathered her today on the death of the dearly loved, Jason Mendez."

For about half an hour, we sing hymns and listen to speeches from family members. Then Poppy is called upon. "I understand that you would like to say something, Poppy." The priest steps back and Poppy steps up to take his place.

"Jason... really took me under his wing when I was first brought in to this family. He l-looked out for me while I came out my shell. He was more than just my brother, he really was my... best.... best friend." Her voice is getting strained as she fights back the advancing tears.

"Jason never knew everything about where I came from, as most people don't, but he never asked. I never felt pressured by him. And.. I-I loved him so much." Poppy can't hold the tears back anymore and she starts to run from the front of the church.

I'm about to move to get her, but her father beats me to it. He holds on to her as she cries and the Priest returns to take attention away from Poppy.

After the service, we went outside as Jason's coffin was lowered in to the ground. There were more tears. More sounds of heart break.

"Kieran." I turn to see Mrs Mendez behind me.

"Hello, Mrs Mendez." I say in a soft tone.

"Thank you for being here today. Poppy needs you and I'm grateful that you came for her." She looks at me and smiles sadly.

"I'd do anything for Poppy." I shift my weight and meet her eyes.

"I know that, Kieran. But please, be careful. Don't get caught by the school. I don't want you to lose your job and Poppy's life to be turned upside down again."

"I promise I'll look after her and no one will find out about us Ma'am." She chuckles at me. My American accent and choice of words does come out a lot stronger sometimes.

"I'm glad to hear that, Kieran." She smiles at me. "I'll see you later."

"Good bye."