∆Error Forevermore∆ Oshi no ko x male reader

||Prologue ||

TW: Mentions of SA, Suicide

'Why are we here? Why do we live? Are we alive to just die??'  I thought to myself as I lay motionless in bed.  It's one of those nights, a night where sleep rejects me.

Everything feels wrong, the bed sheet feels weird against my skin, the air I breathe in feels too hot, yet my body feels so cold, and my legs ache from the cleaning up I did this morning.

I rolled over onto my stomach and stuff my face into the pillow, "Why does life have to be such a pain?" The pillow muffled my voice. What went wrong in my life? I use to be a genius, a star child! Now look at me...I'm a broke 25-year-old former college student that studied law all for what?! My days are coming to an end anyway, it makes no sense for me to even pursue this career any further.

I graduated a month ago...finally got my degree, I'll become a real Lawyer. But...how can I be a real Lawyer when I don't even feel like I'm a real human?  I'm just a waste of life.

I let out a heavy sigh and felt around on my bed for a manga I had left out. My cold, tired arms found the book and I pulled it towards me. I open up the manga that had kept me entertained these past few weeks.

"Oshi no ko..." I whisper out the name of it to myself. I wonder how my life would've turned out if I had a mother like Ai.

Hmm, if I had a mother like Ai...Well for starters I would cherish her every second of my life. I'd do everything in my power to keep her smiling and never once make her sad! On special occasions, I'd get her extravagant gifts, and on vacations, I'll take her all over the world with my own money. Most of all I'd always remind her that I love her!

....

...

"Ugh, I need to stop fantasizing about a manga character being my mother as if that'll ever happen." I groan and hit myself on the head. But still, I mean everything I thought about her, even if her love for me is a lie I wouldn't mind at least she cared enough to lie.

I look to my right and see that it's 2 am, the bright numbers show up on the screen for my clock.

'Maybe I should do it...'

'I have nothing left, I finished Oshi no ko already but I could wait until more chapters come out.' I thought, my eyes switching from looking at the manga that lays on my bed then up to the noose that hangs from my ceiling.

On nights like this, I keep contemplating whether or not I should follow through with it. Some nights I actually decide to do it but I end up not being able to tie the noose properly or I back out.

'Come on [Name] think, can we pull through for another week?' I question myself. The more I think about it the more tempted I feel to actually follow through with suicide.

'Let's try to find a reason to live, shall we? Family? they'll probably miss me, right? Mother might be sad to see me die, wait but she was also the one who allowed her friend to molest me as a kid...why would she even do that? No no no it didn't happen if I think it didn't happen then it didn't happen!' I try to keep my thoughts hopeful but I slipped up then.

'I keep slipping up, it's no surprise [Partner name] cheated on me, wait no I'm supposed to think happy thoughts! Okay how about Dad he'll be...you know what I should stop lying to myself, Dad wouldn't miss me at all. he'll probably be happy that I'm dead, that way he doesn't have to know he made a mistake and he can keep drinking his life away.

Mom would probably finally divorce him and marry that bastard...no it didn't happen it was just a game, I'm making it dirty.' I roll over onto my side and hug my pillow to try and stop the tears from forming in my eyes.

No matter how much I keep telling myself it didn't happen I don't believe it. 'I know it happened but if I keep denying it everything will be better, right? Mother said that it would, WAIT No! I shouldn't listen to her! she's the one who allowed it to happen I shouldn't listen to her! I was just a kid, I was just a kid, it wasn't my fault. I didn't ask for it...or maybe I did? I was a brat as a kid and mom said that someone would punish me...no no no!! STOP THINKING LIKE THIS! I WAS JUST A KID, I WAS JUST A KID I WAS JUST A KID I WAS JUST A KID I WAS JUST A KID I WAS JUST A KID I WAS JUST A KID I WAS JUST A KID I WAS JUST A KID I WAS JUST A KID!!!!!'

My thoughts keep on chanting. The more I think the more I remember those nights.

3rd person POV

[Name's] body is racked with sobs as he curls up deeper into his bed sheets. His train of thought keeps getting darker and darker until he finds himself climbing out of bed.

[Name] takes a sip of water from the cup on his bedside table and he shakily stands up to go over to his desk. He opens up one of the drawers and pulls out a dead wisteria flower and some plain white envelopes.

He sits down at his desk and seals the envelopes before signing who they're for on the back. His dark [Eye colour] eyes look up at the noose, a small sad smile can be seen on his lips. He moves his study chair underneath the noose that hangs down from his ceiling.

As he adjusts the noose around his neck he takes out his phone and calls emergency services. Once they pick up [Name starts to speak, "Please come to [Address], a suicide is about to take place in Apartment 211B." his voice is rough from when he was crying and since he barely uses it.

He threw the phone onto his bed and answered some of the questions that the operator asked. "Take your time, a body doesn't start to smell until 4 days in these conditions after all."

....

"Sir, are you still there?"

"Sir??"

With that, our dear [Name's] life comes to an end. We all have moments in life where death seems to be the only logical thing. Unfortunately, our dearest [Name] had those moments until it drove him to his very end.

××To Be Continued××