I stared at the ceiling with tears running down my face. I'm going fucking crazy.
I don't know how long I been down here but I can't take it. All I know is I've been down here longer than I was up there.
They haven't let me out this room since I've been here. I haven't showered or nothing, I feel dirty.
Im not in a good spot. If I don't leave soon I'll go back to...
I'll go crazy.
And it's starting..
"Beyonce" I heard somebody whisper. I ignored the voice wiping the tears from my face.
"Get up" another voice said. "Get up, get up, get up" It repeated and I groaned loudly starting to scream along with the rest of them.
"GET OUT OF MY HEAADDDD !!" I screamed starting to kick and thrash around in the bed.
I kept hearing them whisper stuff to me and screamed louder getting up. I started punching the wall over and over again then soon I was banging my head on the wall.
"Stop ! STOP ! STOOPPP !!" I screamed banding it harder.
I sobbed loudly falling to the floor and started rocking while covering my ears.
"i just wanna die.. I just wanna diee" I whispered to myself.
I cried into my hands wanting it to stop. I'll behave I swear I will if they just let me out.
I've been off my meds too long and I'm isolated. It's not good for me at all, it's bringing everything I got over from my childhood back.
My anxiety, my depression,... the voices.
I sat there whimpering and rocking when suddenly the door opened making me gasp looking up.
I seen Judy moody and jumped up running to her. "Pretty girl ! Please, please let me out pleaseee. I can't take it no more I promise I'll be good" I cried.
She shushed me coming inside with me and closed the door behind her. "It's not up to me when you come out newbie I'm so sorry" she said and I whimpered before starting to sob again.
"No no nooo" she said coming to me pulling me into a hug. "I'm so sorry" she whispered to me rubbing my back.
She walked me over to the bed sitting with me. She let me cry into her holding me until I calmed down.
When I did she pulled back looking at me with a sad face. "I'm trying my best to get you out I promise" she said and I nodded.
"You did a lot though newbie.. I've even heard them talking about putting you in psych" she said making my heart drop.
"No.. no please i promise i'll do better.. wha-what did i do so bad ?" I said knowing if this was driving my crazy psych would kill me.
Literally
"Nothing. They can't do that, and they can't keep you here forever" she said wiping my tears and my lip trembled.
"I wanna go now"
"I know... I know" she said pulling me into another hug and I hugged back enjoying the physical contact of another human.
"Ain't you gone get in trouble ?" I sniffed pulling back.
"Nah it's night right now so everybody's sleep and the CO's are most bullshitting. I said I'll cover over here so I could come see and check on you" she said moving my wild hair fully out my face then smiled at me.
"You know I actually miss you a little.. just little" she said making me smile. "Do you really ?"
"Yea.. I feel bad too, it's my fault you're in this hell hole" she said.
