The privateer and his tracker

Chapter 12

For the first time in a while, Mal was in his own bed doing something that wasn't Nikolai related. The said king had to take some kind of a trip to Novyi Zem and sort out some things there.

He invited Mal along, but the tracker had some work to do near the palace and he couldn't afford to be away for such a long time. Mal knew he was going to be worried about Nikolai and wish he'd have taken his offer but he didn't think it'd be that bad.

Not being able to focus on the book he had in his hand, he put it down sinking into worrying about his king, wishing he went with him. If everything goes as planned, he should have the blond back in his arms in three days, but such trips were quite unpredictable.

A silent knock on the door pulled him from the dark cloud of worry in his head, back to reality.

Before he could call out an answer and invite them in or stand up and tuck down his shirt, an anxious-looking Alina came in.

"I need some advice," she said hurriedly, closing the doors behind her. Walking towards the bed she already had her fingers in her mouth, biting away the skin beside her nails with worry written all over her face.

"I'm not sure I'll be able to give it to you, but I'll try," he said, observing his best friend closely. He wasn't sure that she ever knocked on his door before, much less gave a shit about his privacy. He has never seen her quite this worried, even though he has seen her going into war. And she never, ever, came to him for advice before.

Concluding that she was acting weird, he paid all of his attention to what she was about to say: "Zoya and I have been having some problems lately. It's all so weird between us and I constantly have the feeling that I'm doing something wrong."

Ah, that's what this is about then. He sighed softly, hoping that he'll be able to help or at least comfort his best friend. Gesturing to a place on the bed that was next to him, he muttered a silent and soft: "Sit." Smiling at her he invited her to tell him more.

"It's just - it has been so hard lately. I don't feel like I lost feelings for her or anything, but work keeps up so busy that we barely have any time to spend together." He could tell she wasn't near done with telling him about it.

"I constantly feel like she disapproves of how much I'm working and helping with everything. She always looks disappointed in me and I can't shake the feeling that she hates me sometimes. It scares me and for saints' sake, we haven't had sex in more than a month." She blushed slightly coming to a halt. Looking up at Mal, he could tell she was waiting for his response.

"Well, you've been in a relationship much longer than I, so I'm not sure how much I'll be able to help you, but I can tell you what I'd do if I were you." She added softly, raising her head to look at him with eyes full of hope.

"I know that this might sound crazy, but I think it's all different to Zoya, hun. I've always tried to be as supportive of Nikolai working this much as she has been of you. You also have no idea how proud she is and Genya told me that she sometimes gushes over all the things that you've done and how strong you are." The sun summoner chuckled lightly, a single tear rolling down her cheek. For a second, it made him think how similar Nikolai and Alina are. He supposes that the theory, that one's romantic and platonic soulmates are similar, stands.

"I'm absolutely sure that she does, in fact, not hate you. I assume, that she senses your uneasiness, and thought it would be better to give you some space. I think she's letting you call the shots, and doesn't want to poke in your personal space in case you wouldn't want that."

"I hope that's the case." She considered something thoughtfully and he was glad and proud to see her calm down quite a lot. "What do you think I should do, then?"

Without missing a beat he replied: "Just what she's giving you space for, call the shots. Talk to her about it and clear things up." He smiled hoping he did a good enough job.

He apparently didn't as the sun summoner burst into tears.

"I just feel so lost." She got out in between sobs and he couldn't do anything else but squeeze her into a tight hug.

"You're not lost, Alina, you're just wandering. Believe me, I know, I've been wandering most of my life." He rocked her softly in his arms, wishing that this all will clear up soon, for his best friend's sake.

"What changed? How did you find the point where you stopped existing and started living?" She once again looked up with that undying hope in her eyes, making him miss Nikolai again.

"Nikolai. He's my true north."

He didn't have to think about it at all, Nikolai was it for him. Because of the king's sunny disposition and his tender heart, he loved him more than anything and he knew what his next step will be.

"Does that mean that Zoya and I aren't meant to be? Will I find someone else who suits me more? Because I can't imagine ever loving anyone as much as I love her." Mal could fully understand that Nikolai redefined love for him and he could never imagine losing him.

"I don't think it means that and I don't think you'll ever find someone who loves you as much as she does. I just think that you two need to sync up the rhythms of your busy lives and everything will be okay." He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her forehead, feeling her slide out of his arms.

"How do we do that?" She said, looking down at her hands that were fidgeting on her lap.

"Talk to her Alina and things will go well." He said it with a smile, feeling that their talk was coming to an end.

"Thank you for all the advice Mal, I'll go do just that." As quickly as she came, she also went and he was left alone smiling to himself. For some reason, he was now able to focus better on his book.

He couldn't wait for Nikolai to come back, a clear plan forming in his head.