Your lips my lips, Apocalypse (Lapril)

Duck Socks

"I don't know Mer." I say, still laying my head on her shoulder. I sit up and try to catch my breath. I wipe my tears off my checks and see smears of mascara on my fingers. "We were fine a second ago and I just said 'we should take our relationship public' and she flipped out. I don't know!" I screech, my voice cracking.

"It's ok hon." She says wrapping her arms around me. "It's late. You should try and get some sleep."

"But Apr-"

"You can talk to her in the morning." Mer says lightly pushing me onto the bed. "Get some sleep Lex. Doctors orders." She giggles. I crawl under the covers, already in a t-shirt and pajama pants and ,of course, April's duck socks. I pull the blanket April always sleeps in up to my chin and burry my face into the pillow, imagining it was her.

I wake up promptly at 4:30 A.M. Our shift starts at 5 so I rush down to the bathroom to take a quick shower. I try to ignore the fact this is the first morning I woke up without April right next to me or on top of me in 2 months. I hurry down the hallway and burst into the bathroom to see April, naked except her lacy green underwear.

"Oh shit sorry I was just trying to hop in the shower but if you were going to." I say as I start to leave. It feels awkward to talk to her and I hate it. She's been my go to person to talk to recently.

"No no it's ok." April giggles. "Wanna get in with me?" She smirks.

"No it's ok I don't wanna be late." I run over to the sink and grab my toothbrush out of the cup and place a glob of toothpaste on it. I run it under cold water and start brushing my teeth. April rolls her eyes and steps into the shower. I take a seat on the closed toilet and scrub my teeth. We stay in silence for a minute before April starts talking.

"I'm sorry."

"What?" I say confused.

"I'm sorry for lashing out on you yesterday. I just feel like we're so awkward right now and I hate that. You're like my best friend and I hate that I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around you." It's always been like this where it feels like she can read my mind. We're always on the same wavelength.

"It's ok." I say kicking my feet back and forth. "It does feel really awkward." My head is bowed down and I stare at my green and blue plaid pants. I put my hands in my lap and play with my fingers.

"So are we ok?" April says from the shower.

"Yeah I guess."

"You guess?"

"Well we never did resolve our problem. I wanna go public and you don't. I just want to be with you no matter where we are. I don't want to have to hide us." I say with my hands on my knees.

"I do too but I just don't feel ready but I want to be ready. I want to do everything I possibly can to make you happy. I'll tell you when I'm ready but I'm just not ready yet."

"It's ok."

"You don't sound satisfied." April laughs.

"I am I promise." I say sticking my pinky through the shower curtain. She links it with her pinky. A stupid childish thing is a serious pact between us. A pinky promise is forever. She unlinks our pinkies and steps out of the shower infront of me. My eyes trace up her body and to her face. She smiles down on me as she puts her wet hand on my check. She leans down and kisses my forehead. She wraps a towel around her body and starts to leave the bathroom.

"Nice duck socks!" She calls out laughing as she leaves. As soon as she leaves, Jackson and Alex walk in to get ready.

"Yeah nice duck socks." Alex laughs as he looks at my feet. I shake my head and put my tooth brush back into the cup and spit out the tooth paste. I leave the bathroom and return to my room to get dressed.

I pull on a long sleeved brown shirt and some dark wash jeans. I feel like it's still awkward with April. I slide my low top converse in and start tying them as I think. I don't know if I can stay with someone who doesn't wanna be seen in public with me. I don't want to break up with her. I don't want to live without her. I think I might lover her. That might be dramatic.

"Lex?" I hear April call from the bottom of the stairs. My head perks up as she goes up the stairs.

"Yeah?"

"I feel like we're not full resolved." I don't know how she does it but she can always read my mind.

"I just feel like you're embarrassed by me. Why can't we just be in the public eye? What's so bad about that?"

"I don't know how else to say it! I'm just not ready Lex! I want to be ready for you but I'm not. If I tell people here then I have to tell my parents and oh my gosh they're gonna be so disappointed and." Tears start to run down her cheeks as she looks down at her feet.

"I just don't know if I can do this April. I think maybe-" I stare at my hands in my lap, twiddling with my fingers. "Maybe we should take a break. Just until you can figure out whatever you need to figure out. I need someone who is willing to declare their love for me from rooftops."

"I'm sorry I can't be that for you. I really want to Lex." She wipes her tears and hurry's down the stairs. I stay looking at my hands. I can't bare to see her leave. I sit there, feeling like a complete asshole.