Unrequited Love (& other clichés)

Headcanons

some of them are very random and some are technically canon but oh well

Stan
●he doesn't drink publically at parties because he doesn't want people to look at him and be reminded of his dad so he only drinks by himself

Kyle
●kyle isn't really that insecure about anything that cartman makes fun of him for EXCEPT his hair. he's so worried that people hate it every time he doesn't have his hat on

Cartman
●he knows about kenny's multiple deaths (which is actually kinda canon but oh well) but he doesn't tell anyone because he knows they won't believe him because of his history of fucking with people, and also a part of him just doesn't really care enough to do anything about it. if he ever told kenny, it would be in such a chill, nonchalant way that it would look like they were just having a regular conversation from afar

Kenny
●he doesn't move away from home until he knows he can take karen with him. he would HATE to leave her alone in south park and so he absolutely HAS to know that she is safe before he can do anything else

Butters
●he has frequent breakdowns because no matter what he does, what hobbies he has, etc. people constantly make fun of him and after a while it starts to get to him. he finds great comfort with people who don't absolutely hammer it home though, like kenny

Tweek
●he has such a dependency on coffee that he can get fatal withdrawal symptoms from it so at this point, he ACTUALLY can't stop drinking it

Craig
●bro's got some seriously long eyelashes. like LONG long. people wonder how he can even open his eyes because they look so heavy

Clyde
●in highschool, this guy is either a jock, or the complete opposite. he either has a VERY active dating life or no dating life at all. either star of the football team (or whatever's important in the states) or the quiet kid at the back of class. it's hot or cold with this kid, he gets everything or nothing

Tolkien
●he knows how much stan hates his dad and tegridy farms so he invites stan over to his as much as he can so stan can get a break from randy

Jimmy
●he's got a picture of leslie's ad in his room because he misses her even though she betrayed him and isn't human and all that jazz. he still kind of wishes she could have been his friend

Wendy
●she's killed more than miss ellen. i will say no more. rip miss ellen

Bebe
●she is a huge star wars and star trek fan. she has many marathons and can rehearse scenes word for word