Happy Death Day

If things were different

Moonbin POV

I know you're hoping, praying, wishing right now Aroha. I know you're dreaming that this is a nightmare that you'll wake up from in the morning. Or a prank that someone will soon say "gotcha" to. I know you don't want to believe it.

You'd just hate the fact that you'll believe it for a second, but it's true. It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. I just bit off more than I could chew, and so much more than I could swallow.

Now I'm choking on my so called dreams that feel like a cage around me heart. I can't breathe. This weight of expectation is too heavy. This smile is painful to keep.

I dread this smile that you love so much. This smile is not a smile at all if I were to tell it.

Good comments, bad comments, all feeling like the hands of everyone combined into one and crushing my heart and soul with it. I'm being walked all over by your shoes. And I can't get up from under it. No matter what I do I won't believe to stand on my own.

If I were to even blink differently I'd be called out for it. I don't even think I'm a person anymore. I'm like a doll prim and proper for you to play with and make a fool out of. Dress and undress me as you like. I must be perfect.

I hate it. I hate it all. I just pray that Sua doesn't crack like I have. Please let Sua be spared. Let her live happily for the both of us. I pray everyday that she'd see a brighter day. Even though I know nothing about her. My sister that I love so much that I know nothing about.

What she likes, what she dislikes, what she absolutely hates and what she absolutely loves. Nothing...

I'm a horrible brother. One that she looks up to but am no good example to her at all. I want to do better but it's too late for me. I have already lost hope in myself and hope that she doesn't have faith in me, so that when I let her down she isn't too disappointed.

I hate to abandon her like this, without talking to her at all because then it will confirm that we really know nothing about one another. But I hope she knows that I love her and trust her. And I trust you too Aroha to take care of her better than I could.

This is the end of the road. Thank you for staying with me and supporting me and loving me through all these years. Thank you for the god and the bad. I'll take these bittersweet memories with me to were the dandelions blow.

One moon turned to a star.
Moonbin.✨