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𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆.
Antoine's Perspective
It is only still in the beginning of the year, but I can't take this anymore. It's too much. The next day, it's awful.
Someone spat on me. I got shoved around multiple times. Awful insults. Finally, after lunch, I meet my tipping point when some guys corner me, smashing my shoulder into a locker, taunting me about Reese Mallory. Apparently, I'm a 'whore'. Apparently, that is what I am seen as now. And the fact that these guys are my teammates makes all of it even worse.
I push them out of the way. I'm still stronger than them. And everything seems scratchy and red. It is all so loud yet so quiet at the same time. So many evil, ugly shadows. I ignore everything and everyone as much as I can, but everything is crashing in on me. Banging on my skull and giving me a headache. Driving me insane.
I go to the bathroom and slam myself in a stall. I rest my forehead on the cold door, not caring how gross it may be.
I swallow. What is it? I thought I'm getting better. I'm being nicer to Reese Mallory. I'm trying so hard. Aren't I? What am I doing wrong to keep giving me this awful fortune? I run my hand over my face before exiting the stall, and although I wasn't crying or anything, I still run some cold water over my face before exiting the bathroom.
The rest of my day absolutely sucks, and I literally feel like I would rather die than finish this school year as I head back to my locker. I lost my Mr. Popular status because I had it for bad reasons. Whenever I ask myself why this is all happening, I remind myself that I deserve it. Because I'm worthless. Apparently.
But suddenly, somehow, everything changes.
I hear her voice call my name, and I look up, and everything around me disappears. The ear-piercing noise leaves. The sneering faces of idiots are gone. And all I see is her. It's like she's shining. Shining amongst all these faded shadows of people all around her. I could swear there is light radiating off her. She has the most beautiful smile on her light pink lips, and she looks like an angel, with her locks of hair tumbling down on her shoulders.
Suddenly, though, she reaches me, and puts a hand on my shoulder, and I'm snapped out of my daze. She's saying, "Antoine, are you okay? You looked a little out of it for a second there. Are you good?" I feel emotions rise up within me at the caring tone of her voice. I suddenly realise that her hand is on my shoulder, and I flinch it away in surprise.
"Y- Yeah. I'm fine. Just... was lost in thoughts."
"Are you finished at your locker, then?"
"Yeah, I am. But I got football practice. So sorry if you were going to ask me..." I glance around, seeing many eyes on us, and sigh, turning back to my locker in dismay. "Just text me tonight after dinner hour. Maybe we could call," I mutter, not wanting to draw any more insults and taunting than I need to. And standing have a quiet sincere conversation with Reese Mallory would definitely draw attention I don't need right now.
She nods, understanding, and mutters back, "Good luck, then, Antoine. And I mean it sincerely." And then she walks on, as if nothing ever happened. In the corner of my eye, I watch her walk away. She walks with her back straight and her head held high. She walks with long strides and looks at people who stare at her directly in their eyes.
And suddenly, I think I like her. I think I like her a lot. I think that maybe she is the kind of girl I want. Maybe she is the type of girl I really do want to date.
I'm knocked out of my thoughts, though, by someone elbowing me between my shoulder blades, saying, "Stop staring, Antoine. We all know you want to get inside h-"
I turn around, unable to contain myself anymore. "Shut up!" I yell. "What the heck did they say? What kind of rumours do they spread in this school?!"
"I don't know," says a girl's voice as she passes by. I look over to see the pretty Brooke. That Brooke who fake dated me and broke my heart. For Reese Mallory. "I don't know, Antoine Griezmann. Why don't you ask yourself that, huh?"
And the truth of that hits me like a punch in the throat. I feel my eyes sting for a moment, and my jaw clenches, and my anger rises, but only at myself.
Because she's right. Of course I know what kind of rumours they spread in this school. Because I have been the one spreading them in the past.
This is the reason.
Because I suck. And I'm an awful person.
But I don't want to be like them anymore. I want them to like me. I want girls to think I'm hot. But there's one girl I want to like me.
Maybe I want her to love me.
I don't love her, but I think I really...
I wish she loved me.
I don't want to be like everyone else anymore because I see now how messed up it all is. Reese Mallory, who was always seen as below us, is much better than me or any of the other guys, with a heart of gold and endless kindness. And now I know how it feels. Now I know how it felt for her, for years, under my wrath.
Now I understand.
I'm so terrible that roles had to be completely switched for me to understand.
I'm so stupid.
I just want to do the right thing now. But it's hard to do the right thing with everyone else around you is making the wrong thing look good. It's hard to do right when you keep being wronged by nearly everyone.
I used to think Reese Mallory had wronged me a few times. Now I don't think she has. She was either defending herself, or trying to get me see.
I wish I could make every see right, like how she made me see right.
And I wonder to myself, Is sometimes believing wrong over right the easier thing? Because it sure seems like it.
It doesn't make sense that the good should get punished but the bad be rewarded.
Or maybe there is more than what just meets the eye.
