She Called Herself Su

1♡

She called herself Su. She had for a long time now, almost as long as she could remember. Su never told anyone this though. To them she wasn't a she. To them she wasn't Su. To them she was a he. To them she was Jungsu.

When she was younger, she had been able to accept that others saw her differently then she saw herself, but it was different now she was older. Going through puberty had been the worst experience of her life. It happened all wrong. When her father had first explained what was going to happen to her, she almost laughed. 'There is no way that will happen to me,' she decided.

Unfortunately, she was wrong.

Others perceptions of her didn't change either. Su loved her friends very much, but it was becoming more and more difficult to hang out with them. She knew they didn't mean it, but it was like a dagger piercing her heart whenever they called her 'he' or 'him' or 'Jungsu'. Adults would call the six of them saying 'boys!'

Her friends would catch her looking at other girls and tease her like she had a crush on them. In reality, she was quietly begging herself not to cry. Questions like 'why wasn't I born a girl as well?' swirling around her mind. She would shower and change her clothes in the dark because the last thing she ever wanted to see was her own body. Her least favourite class was P.E. even though she enjoyed sports. The school P.E. uniforms were uncomfortable and too tight for her liking. What was even worse was getting changed in the boys' changing rooms.

It was because of this, Su decided she was going to drop the class the following year. It was a decision that hurt her, but she knew it was much better than putting herself through it all again. That was another thing she had yet to tell anyone.

She was meeting her friends at Jooyeon's house. They had been talking about making a band for a while, and today was their first meeting. They weren't playing instruments, just making sure everything was in order. Jiseok wanted a band concept and Seungmin wanted to work out a style so he could plan outfits for their shows (he was thinking very far ahead, Su thought). They needed to work out who was playing what, seeing as some people could play multiple instruments. But, most importantly, the six of them needed a name.

As Su walked up Jooyeon's driveway towards the house, she inwardly cringed. Her friends were already loud enough for her to hear outside. She wondered if the neighbours would complain. It definitely wouldn't be the first time. It took only a few seconds after knocking at the door that Jooyeon opened it. He smiled widely and tugged her inside.

"Jungsu-hyung!" She shuddered at his words, thankful he didn't notice. "You're the last one here, we were waiting. Come on!"

Su was whisked upstairs to the boy's bedroom after she had slipped off her shoes. It was big with huge windows and a double bed. In the corner were a few amps as well as a guitar and bass. The walls were decorated with haphazardly placed posters of famous artists Jooyeon followed. It was a nice room, Su always thought. Her bedroom was rather plain compared to his.

Her other friends were already there, smiling and waving at her as she entered. Once the six of them had all settled on the bed and floor, Gunil started the meeting.

"Alright," he declared, standing up in front of everyone. "Let's start by deciding on a band name. Anyone have any suggestions?"