Here: A Joshtin AU

Chapter 11

It's been a while, a month to be exact. The album is going great sales-wise, people are still talking about my national tour, I've been to interviews, and I guess they are just waiting for my next plans. If I'm going to be honest, I have no idea. Pablo and I have written tons of songs, and Stell and Justin have helped me conceptualize music videos or art, but the actual plans, I don't know. Do I even have a plan? They could literally just release everything we made as of now and things would still be the same, at least for me. I don't know, I honestly don't know and it hurts.

A month has passed since the mess I made in front of Justin. I'm fortunate that I still have a face to show him. We have talked about it but I didn't tell him the whole story behind why I acted that way, but he was quick to understand, just like how he always is. I like that, I like how he always understands and how he just waits. It's comforting.

For a month I've been cooped up in my room, playing video games and whatnot, just passing the time. A whole year I had worked nonstop, a month of doing nothing isn't that bad. I didn't go out of the house as often; my friends would just come by to hang out. I guess I'm just trying to clear my mind and get it out of the gutter. But staying inside didn't really do the trick. Ever since what happened with the man, I talked to at the party my mind just went into chaos. It made me angry and I was thinking about doing an investigation or something just to find out who he is, but then I wondered if it was really worth the time and exhaustion. Will I just tire myself out just to find nothing again? I know I should do something, for my mother at least, but I'm tired, I'm exhausted, and I'm drained. I've been going in circles and maybe I should just give up. If the time comes when this will cost my career, then so be it.

I'm just so tired, I'm sorry but it seems like I don't have any more strength to continue this, and I don't know how to move forward from this. Time has stopped and every single thing just adds weight which pins me down from where I am right now. Do I even want to move away from here or should I just let myself get stuck since this is where I belong anyway? I don't know. My mind has become an empty space, a void of nothingness. What is this? Depression? Some sort of illness? Where do I go next?

As I lie on the sofa just thinking deeply and letting the clock tick by, no care about the world whatsoever, my phone began to ring. I got pulled out of the circling thoughts and I took my phone to answer the call. It's Stell, he probably wants to hang out again and talk about his "feelings" that he just now noticed even if it is already obvious ever since.

"Hello?" I said.

"Josh, I just got something, I'm on my way to your place."

"What is it?"

"I'll show you when I get there, I'm so excited!"

"Uh okay, I'll wait here."

After half an hour Stell arrived at my home. He immediately jumped on the couch all giddy and excited, I still don't know why.

"What is it?" I asked.

He rummaged through his bag as he is giggling. Then he took five pieces of paper that seemed to be tickets or something.

"We're going to Palawan!"

He showed me the tickets and started to skip in excitement.

"For what?" I asked as I hold the tickets.

"Remember the afterparty of the awards. I got to talk to the co-owner of the whole company of that award and he said he'd sponsor those who won awards for a full vacation and I just received now the tickets!"

"And you didn't even tell me?"

"Surprise!" He cheered and laughed.

"When is this?"