Here: A Joshtin AU

Chapter 12

Today is our flight to Palawan and we're at the airport as we wait. For now, I am with Justin, Stell, and Pablo. Ken messaged me last night that he would just catch up on the second day because he has work to finish. It's alright, he can still experience the fun since we're most likely to just rest and eat on the first day of this vacation.

A few people approached me to take pictures but they weren't demanding and still respected our space. I love to cater to fans but I hope once we get there, I'll get to experience a normal life.

I'm excited, more than just seeing the beautiful islands but also having to spend time with my friends without thinking about work.

Maybe this is all I need, a time for myself. Absorb nature, let myself breathe, and maybe enjoy for once in a while. I'm not sure though. I can still feel it, that tugging force that keeps on pulling me back and whispering that I shouldn't feel this bliss. I try to ignore it by playing music and shutting down all the noises in my head.

We boarded the plane and sat according to our tickets. I got the window seat and beside me is Justin, while Stell and Pablo are right behind us. It seems that they are already tired from waiting because they fell asleep fast. Justin is with the flight attendant asking for food because we were hungry before we boarded.

I opened the window to look outside. The clouds copied the color of the sunset sky and it softly floated along the horizon; I wish I could just lay there forever. The view of the cityscape becomes far of reach and the loud lights blink away as time passes by. The silent hum of the aircraft fills the silence.

I'm here, on a plane to Palawan for a week's vacation. They deserve it, they worked hard a lot. I probably don't, I don't know. I am blessed that there are people who appreciate my work. Although I don't want to sound arrogant and ungrateful, if I'm being honest, it can get a bit exhausting, especially from the pressure that I get from the industry. I'm not sure if what I'm making is actually what I want to make or just what people want to see and hear. I appreciate everything that I have now but somehow there's always a tug in my heart, something I couldn't explain, or maybe something I don't want to say. Whatever it is, I want it out of my chest, but I don't know how to.

As I watch the clouds pass by the window, I took my small black notebook and a pen from my shoulder bag. I flipped through the pages to find an empty one. On an empty page, I wrote, "Why am I here?" along with today's date. That's it, four words and a question mark. I stared at it and without knowing my eyes began to well up. I immediately hid the notebook inside my bag before anyone noticed. I held on to the pen and played with it with my fingers. I can't believe four words will still be a pain for me. I sniffed and shook my head to get rid of the emotions that were trying to take over me. I then let out a deep sigh.

"Here," Justin said standing beside me, "there was only water and bread, but It'll do." He handed me the water bottle and a bread bun. I accepted it and gave a faint smile.

"What's with the-?" He then copied the sigh I made a while ago and sat comfortably beside me.

"Nothing," I replied. It really was nothing, I wouldn't bother explaining what mess there is inside my brain, it's just too much. I told him my story but somehow I can't tell him the effect it had on me.

"The sigh was too deep for nothing but anyways, I really should've just made us sandwiches from home, now we're stuck with this bread if bread is what they call it" Justin ranted and groaned.

"The restaurants are great there, it'll make up for your hangry stomach" I laughed.

"I'm the one who's hangry? Even if you're the one who said you're hungry a hundred times?" Justin said and laughed.