DESTIEL ONESHOT.
TOO MANY FEELS.
Dean parked Baby in the empty drive, and let himself curl up on the leather seat, the familiar smell of his car wafting to meet his nose. At least /that/ never changed. It was freezing outside, and the windows were wide open, but he wouldn't be damned to turn on the heater. He wasn't sure if he could handle the small sound the Legos in the heaters made.
"Cas, buddy," Dean was speaking to the wind, to the nothingness outside. "Come home."
He finally allowed himself to break.
Alone in his car,
Alone in the world that he strove to protect,
So utterly alone.
Quiet sobs resounded through the '67 Impala. He'd been so stupid to let Castiel go, why had he done it? But on the other hand, there was really no way he could've stopped it. His best friend was gone.
"Why'd you leave me, Cas? Dammit, WHY?!" His fists pounded the seats, letting out all of the pent up anger and sadness that had been bottled up.
"Come back, come back to me, come back for me. Castiel, Cas, please." Dean paused to take a shaky breath before adding: "I need you." And after a few seconds of more careful consideration, he pressed his face into the seat and mumbled the three words he'd been avoiding ever since meeting the blue-eyed angel.
"I love you."
Silence met the heartbreaking confession, not to Dean's surprise, but his heart still clenched when the telltale flutter of wings didn't sound.
"Castiel, I need you. You hear me? I. NEED. YOU. I need you like I've never needed anything else before. I need you more than I need to kill demons. I need you more than I need oxygen, for fuck's sake! I am prepared to have a hundred chick flick moments for you, and you know how much I hate them." He laughed, but it sounded more like a desperate last attempt at breathing, the air just leaving his lungs.
"I need you," the words repeated over in his mind, and Dean let his eyes fill with tears once again. He cried over everything that he hadn't taken the time to properly mourn before. His mother's death, Jessica's, all of the other people that he had met on cases that hadn't made it through. As he thought of everyone that'd died, he felt guilty. Why had he survived for so long? Why hadn't some demon come and picked him off by now? He should be dead by now.
"I should be dead." The words echoed in his mind as they came out of his mouth. "Dead. Dead, I should be dead." Dean had been to hell and back. Fuck, the only reason he wasn't still there was because of the angel he needed so badly right now.
His head was pounding now, and the cold weather had long since ceased to help.
"Fuck it all. Jut fucking fuck it." He continued to choke back tears, and mumble to himself about his angel. A few minutes later, the car door creaked open and someone let themselves in. Before Dean could do anything, a familiar gravelly, low voice came from the intruder.
"I am truly sorry, Dean. Forgive me." Dean lifted himself up quickly, wiping at his face to try and get rid of the tears that wouldn't stop pouring from his eyes.
"Don't try and act as if you are strong, I know you aren't right now. It's okay." Castiel murmured.
"No, it's not. What part of this," Dean shouted, waving his hand at himself, "is okay?! I am supposed to be the one who always has it under control!" His outburst drained all the energy he had left, and Dean allowed himself to slump forward, with his head in his hands. Castiel then decided that it was time to intervene. He took off his oversized trench coat, and wrapped around the older Winchester's shoulders, before pulling Dean into his lap.
"I promise it's going to be alright." He whispered.
They stayed like that for a very long time, Dean curled up to his angel's chest, with Castiel's arms wrapped tightly around him. A cold gust of wind blew through the window, causing Castiel to shiver. Dean immediately noticed.
"Here, take you coat. You need it."
"No Dean, it's fine. You keep it. You've been out here longer than I have." But Dean insisted.
"Seriously, Cas. Take it."
"Fine!" Castiel allowed Dean to remove the coat, and wrap it around his body. And no matter how much he said he didn't need it, he was secretly glad to have its warmth. Dean stayed in his arms, too cold to move anywhere else. The angel wrapped his coat around Dean's shaking body, pressing him into his chest even more.
"Cas?" Dean whispered, not wanting to break the silence, but feeling as if he had to.
"Yes?" Castiel's voice rumbled through his chest, and Dean pressed himself closer, enjoying the way it felt.
"Th-thank you. Y'know, for coming back and all."
"You really think I would leave you?" Castiel asked, curious.
"Well, yeah. No one else has ever had a problem walking away and never coming back." Dean shrugged.
"I can't leave you, Dean Winchester. Not now, not ever."
"Yeah you can, why wouldn't you?" Dean was confused now.
"Because I... Dean, I- I think- no, I /know/ that I... I love you." Cas whispered into his ear, remembering the way that Dean's breath caught in his throat, and the way that he stuttered to reply.
"Cas, y-you mean it?" Dean turned so he could look straight into Castiel's eyes.
"Yes, I do. I promise." He answered with a smile. The next few moments seemed to go by in slow motion. Dean closed his eyes, and leaned in to Cas, hoping he wouldn't be rejected. Castiel knew this is what they both wanted, and reached up to cup a hand behind the head of dirty blonde hair. He let his eyes slide closed, and pressed his chapped lips to Dean's. a small gasp bubbled up to his lips, and Dean let himself melt into the kiss, Castiel slowly working their mouths against each other. He felt tears running down the hunters cheeks, and he lifted a finger to brush them away.
Dean let his tongue slide across Castiel's lower lip, feeling it tremble and slowly open, and Dean snuck in, deepening their kiss. It was soft and gentle, yet so intense. They both craved each other's bodies, but neither wanted to ruin this delicate moment. It wasn't enough for them, but suddenly it was all too much. Dean broke the kiss, burying his face into Castiel's neck trying to bite back the guttural sobs that threatened to erupt again.
"It's okay Dean, I'm here. It's alright now." Castiel comforted his love, running a soothing hand through his hair and holding him tight. "Hush darling, it will all be okay. I promise you. I promise." Dean let himself be coddled, he let himself feel the love that he'd wanted for so long. He also let his eyes close, the tears slowly subsiding until he was left with a bigger headache than before. He fell asleep quickly, but not before whispering to his angel.
"I love you, Castiel. Please don't ever leave me, it hurts so bad." Castiel smiled, and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. Cold wind whipped through the windows again, and once Castiel was sure that Dean was very much asleep, he took the keys from his pocket, and plugged them in, rolling up all of the windows and turning the heat on. He smiled when he heard the rattling of Legos that a young Dean had once shoved into the heaters.
"I love you, Dean Winchester." Castiel smiled, liking the way the words rolled off his tongue and into the nothingness that was now something to him. It was love. Real, harsh, violent love that he had never known before. With a small smile, Castiel laid himself down on the front seat of the Impala, positioning Dean on top of his chest, and using his trench coat to cover them both. He left one last kiss on top of Dean's head before falling asleep.
They fit together like two Legos. Two Legos that had been abandoned on the floor, and had somehow managed to find each other through the chaotic mess of their lives. And no one was going to try and take them apart.
