Monyse Peterson An American Girl Story

Benjamins funeral day

Today was a hard day for us , it was the last goodbye to my father and it was the last time I was going see him sleeping peacefully. I knew deep down he was looking down on me and knowing he was congratulating me on being strong for him even though inside I was hurt and broken I felt uneasy and nervous and mad all at the same time. I was in my room throwing clothes around crying ripping pages out my notebook that I wrote , was I really strong ? Did I really have what it take to be papa strong daughter , did I fail him ? Looking back now I know I didn't fail him I was just hurt dealing with all the pain and emotion from his death while my mother and sister held there hurt inside as well as they could but I knew eventually it would all come out when we got to his funeral..

My grandparents on my dad side stopped by the house to come get us before the funeral started, they lived 3 hours away from us so we would see them on the holidays every year, my grandmother would always tell me how strong I was and would always tell me how I could always do anything i put my mind to, she was my biggest support of them all and I just wish I could see her more often just so I could have her to talk to because she understood me more then any family member did.

We finally got all dressed up to head to out and our grandparents took the 3 of us to the funeral with them in there station wagon , the closer we got to the church the more I felt panic.. I felt scared to see my father , I didn't know what it was like to see a dead person or even someone that was so close to you.. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

We finally was at the church and everybody outside looking directly at us , it really made me nervous because I didn't know half of these people but since my mom was a former singer and my dad was the jazz player back in the day almost everybody who knew him and her came to his funeral. Everybody one by one bowed their heads to us telling us how sorry they was for our lost as we walked into the church as I had nervous look on my face looking around but by the time I looked over we was up to the casket and I looked at my dad and felt how cold he was as my mother and sister sobbed and cried while some people surrounded them holding them up from falling. My eyes started to water , my father looked so handsome and peaceful as he lied there I couldn't believe it was him all I could ask myself "where are you dad where are you , I miss you"