Various Narnia Oneshots

If I'm Gonna Cry (Lucy)

Lucy hurried down the hall, lost in her thoughts as she moved soundlessly in the dusky light. A glimmer shone faintly as she entered a room at the end of it. A window was letting the early morning sunshine in, scattering the creeping darkness into the corners.

At a movement to her left, Lucy looked over into the sunlight- and saw Caspian sitting by the window, looking out. The breeze blew in, softly moving his hair, bringing the scent of salty air- of the ocean- from somewhere outside to Lucy's nose.

She watched as he shifted, leaning his head against the window frame, revealing he held something in his hands. He sat cross-legged, staring out, hands resting in his lap just covered enough to obscure the object he held from view. He moved his hand slightly as if tracing over whatever it was.

Lucy frowned, and she made her way over towards him to see if he was alright; and maybe to see what he held and why he had it. Unfortunately, he noticed her coming and shoved it down beside him before she could see. He smiled at her, but it wasn't real.

She put her hand on his shoulder, looking into his eyes with concern.

"Are you alright?"

He attempted a nod, but a shadow fell over his eyes, and he looked away. Lucy turned his face back to hers, keeping a hand on his cheek.

"Hey, you can tell me. You always tell me."

Caspians' wide eyes, young and lost, stared into Lucy's. Frightened. Lonely. Her heart broke for him, and she sat down beside him, taking his hand. Caspian eyed her.

"Do you ever feel like you've experienced something so much that if you ever have to go through it again, you couldn't possibly be hurt? But you're wrong?" Caspian shifted, putting a hand through his hair nervously.

"Because you actually believed something could be different, you had hope, and because of that, you fell harder, and it broke you even deeper than you thought possible?"

Lucy blinked, putting an arm around his shoulders. There must be something really bothering him. Maybe she could help.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She smiled shyly, realizing just how close she was to him.

Caspian jerked away, standing. Lucy's smile faltered.

"I can't tell you, not this time. It's not your fault..." He broke off, then shook his head, staring at her.

"I have to go." Seeming to hold back tears, he turned towards the hall.

"But you're upset!" Lucy reached for him, alarmed.

Caspian turned, facing her again. "If I'm gonna cry, it's better to cry alone. Because that's what I am- alone."

His voice shook, and he bit his lip, looking at Lucy with something she couldn't identify.

"I'd better get used to it."

With fire in his eyes, he disappeared down the hall, leaving Lucy alone and stunned. He usually talked to her, maybe he didn't tell he everything, she knew that, but she thought he felt safe talking to her. He rarely told anyone else anything.

The darkness was all but gone now. Daylight covered everything, leaving small shadows around the room, but nothing compared to the shadow that now lay over Lucy's heart.

She glanced down beside her, a glint catching her eye. An object lay where Caspian had abandoned it. She reached for it, slowly picking it up. Lucy's fingers froze, and she looked around bewildered. She hadn't expected to pick up her own dagger.

Caspian had been holding, studying, her dagger. Tracing his finger over the detailed hilt that now lay in her hands. Not just any object- but hers.

Suddenly, Caspians' words flew back, haunting her.

"...I can't tell you, not this time. It's not your fault...."

Lucy felt confused. This had something to do with her, but she couldn't think of why. She hadn't meant to upset him, but clearly she was the last person he had needed right then, and now, Lucy felt awful. For whatever reason, she was the cause of Caspians' distress.

She had only wanted to help him, to be a good friend, and now she wished she knew what she'd done wrong so she could change it. Caspians tormented eyes stayed in her mind as she collected her dagger and fled the room.

A tear fell down her face, and she quickly wiped it away. Whatever was going on, Lucy wouldn't change. She would remain a steady friend, and when Caspian was ready, he would tell her. She convinced herself that was true, forced a smile on her face, and put the haunting dagger onto her belt.