lights out, jake sim.

16.

Lily sat on her bed, surrounded by darkness, her mind in a whirlwind of emotions. She felt herself caught in a profound melancholy, the weight of her sorrows crushing her eyes. Tears streamed down her face as she replayed the taunting words in her head all over again. Her conscience was ruthlessly ripped off her body, exposing her naked scars to the public eye so blatantly, brutally putting her self-respect into sacrilege. In the sea of tears, that threatened to swallow her, lay her heart, scattered into a million pieces like the withered petals of a once vibrant flower.

With a tear-stricken face, she mirrored the image of no less a widower.  A bereaved despondent, who has lost the helm of faith amidst the raging storm. There was no way to weather the storm now that the oblivion dissipates. The mirage, that had warned her about the horrors of what may lie ahead, came true. All her doubts were proven to be correct. The utopian notions about love were nothing but a gruesome fallacy that had her trapped gravely. It was impossible to save herself from the wicked fate. In doing so, she'll have to put herself through a path of thorns, which had previously felt like a magical haven to walk on, was now destined to gash her feet that had deliberately sauntered their path of rosy carnage. She was destined to leave a trail behind so that no wretched hopeless romantic ever follow in her steps.

Her conscience would laugh at her now, as she sat on her bed with the remnants of his proclaimed love for her. Was it that easy for him to abandon her? Throw her away, when he feels like it. What about his promises? Was it all a mere lie? The trickery had crumbled her into pieces, disparaging her soul into nothingness. The lingering fear of the unknown that would gnaw at her heart occasionally with a foreboding conviction came true. What a fool she has been to blindly follow the misleading path illuminated with the false ray of hope, its brilliance leaving vicious scars on her soul.

How could he look into her eyes and say that it was all a mere tale? That they never existed. Their love never existed. It was all in her head. She drove her heart on the precipice of devastation and destruction herself.

How could he forsake the person he once used to gaze at in the daybreak and whisper love to in the solemnity of the night? 

Was she not good enough, for him to chastise and cast her away like an obsolete tool when he was done using her? No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't believe the turn her life was taking. A week ago, she deemed herself the luckiest girl and now? She didn't know anymore. Everything turned into a hazy memory, driving her mind into a mayhem of confusion and uncertainty.

Lily couldn't come to terms with the events that unfolded before her in a short span of time. The love they shared, the moments they cherished— it was all an illusion and mere figments of her imagination according to him.

Amidst the chaos of her emotions, she couldn't get ahold of the fact that not even her tears could stop him from breaking her heart. Was it really her Jake, whom she knew all along?  Whose heart would quiver upon seeing a frown on her face? Who couldn't see her crying? Then who was the person whom she met this night, who didn't even care about her tears soaking his shirt as she gripped his arm and laid her head on his shoulder, begging for his love? That couldn't be her Jake.

Once again the hazy memories of their encounter taunted her relentlessly. How she had laid her head on his shoulder and crumbled in front of him. She had looked up to find his eyes in pitch darkness that had surrounded the two forms sitting on the stairs of her campus ground and she then knew that she had wasted her love for this boy. Not even her tears could shake up his resolute demeanour as he uttered those words, piercing her soul with its viciousness. He spoke of her as a trivial inconvenience, his voice filled with cold detachment as though their relationship was nothing more than a burden to him. 

He made her constantly question her worth. Was she unworthy of him that he could strip her of his love in the most cruel way, whenever as he pleases?

How ruthlessly he had pushed her away by blaming her naivety. He considered her too innocent to understand what it takes to be with him and found her constant need for assurance and insecurities tiring.

Just when she thought he couldn't be any more relentless and asked him if their love was all a game to him, he had let out a cold laugh, his eyes filled with contempt as he uttered those words that cut through her like a knife: "A game? Oh, Lily, you were never more than a pawn in my game. A bet I made with my friends. And I won."

Lily's heart sank as she felt her grip on Jake's arm loosen, a mystifying silence settled over her as she sat still in utter shock and disbelief. He didn't even spare a glance at her face to see her reaction and stood up to leave, without a single word, without even a shred of remorse.

Their love had crumbled, and now she was left alone to pick up the scattered remnants of their once-passionate love.