Library of Feelings

Fingerprints on a Hollow Heart

A sunrise that always comes, a sun that always sets, a sun that always hides. The days come and go, with the hourglass never stopping. Day by day, I say I'm fine to the ever coming question: "Hi, how are you?". But in reality, I am becoming numb to the immense pain. This pain born with your departure, that hurts with all your memories and an absence that breaks me inside. Everyday is the same struggle to lift this empty shell of a body from the bed. Everyday missing your messages, and always thinking whether you still think about us. On the road on a taxi, I look out the window and remember all those times we spent together.

The first time I saw you, my guardian angel left me saying "I leave you in good care". I understood that you were special. I started to talk to you, knowing that it was a sin to treat an angelic figure without its due respect. But, you accepted me and treated me as an equal. You did not care where I came from, or how a mere mortal broke an unspoken law.

What should I say in her presence? My mind was running on its limits thinking of what to say without being disrespectful in your presence. A storm was brewing, my nerves were being altered by the pressure. But, my storm slowly cleared. I saw a small giggle, a little smile that was shining brighter that any light in existence. I never knew how black and white my world was, until that smile blew it all away. The colors were so bright, the world around me showed how much life surrounded me, and the sun tried to shine brighter than your smile but failed. I knew now why my guardian angel left me, I was definitely in the best hands possible in existence. I knew that I wanted to see that smile again, no matter the cost.

The days after that encounter were majestic. There was never a second that I thought about that smile. A blessing in a simple gesture, and I wanted more. I spent more and more time with you, making you smile and admiring that beauty that irradiated from it. I was getting addicted to it, and I knew it; but never cared. The only thing it mattered to me is that I could find my happiness within your smile, and it felt pure. This warmth inside my chest that filled me entirely, it felt too good for me. Was I worthy of such happiness? Is this a mortal sin that I will pay for the rest of my life? Is she a curse in disguise, or the purest of blessings? But, all these interrogations were always pushed aside with your irradiating presence. I don't care! I'm all in for this ride! I thought every time.

The magic at your side never ended. The love only grew with everyday, and I got the opportunity to appreciate your real beauty; an immeasurable quantity that this world could only wish to have. I started to think how majestic you were, how fortunate I really was to have our paths crossed at the perfect moment. Yet, knowing how much you were really worth came with a curse too. I had found a treasure in this deity, and like any other treasure people will be attracted to it. I won't forgive myself if I have a beautiful treasure like you, and I don't take my chance to express all the beautiful feelings I have for you. Using this as fuel, I went ahead to ask the famous question; throwing myself into the fire hoping to get burned as it always happened. Yet, your kindling fire only warmed me and accepted me for who I really was. It melted my shell, and exposed my true self; treating it with kindness and love.

My happiness was as immeasurable as your beauty. The nerves that were destroying me from within, now were excited to hear how happy you were to accept my sinful proposition. I promised on that day to make you happy every single day of your life, and that I would give my life and the whole world for you to be happy. I was still in a state of surprise, since I considered myself to be abandoned by the gods. I abandoned all hopes of loving the way I wanted. But, a glitter of hope shun within this dark world when I knew you.

Day after day, I would give my all in every aspect of my life. I never felt so alive, like the days I spent with you. Whenever I got to spend time with you, even if it was to go out or stay at home, it was the most enjoyable time I could have. I never knew how the simplest of things could make me so happy. Little gestures when we were together were the most I enjoyed, and filled me with joy to keep battling through every obstacle life had for us. Knowing you were by me and trusting you with my heart and soul made me capable of the impossible. The days passed and we were so happy, I cheered you up when you were feeling down, I was there to help you if you needed, I listened to every word whenever you needed someone to listen. All of your burdens were also my burdens, I wanted to help you and see you smile whenever I could; because your happiness was payment enough for me. But when I thought everything between us was healthy and both were happy, you let my heart and soul fall.