Hiraeth

Chapter 38

Queen Astra

A year into my stay in the palace and Queen Irene had taught me enough to be a replica of herself. Very commendable that she brought me from swearing on my life to be nothing like her to understand why she had to be what she was. She was strong, yes, and she had every being in the land under her command, even her husband to an extent, but with all she did, there never was the opportunity for her to feel as a normal being should or should I say as a normal woman should? There was no love in her life, and even if there were specks of it every once in a while, one would never truly see her express it. She never taught me how to speak to the next king as a woman to the one she loves, it was always about obligations to the Queen. My duties, what I had to do, what the people needed to see in me.

In every way, it was difficult. From the way I dressed to the morning physical trainings and the etiquettes at night time, life truly was difficult for me. I'd gotten used to most of them at the end of the year but nothing could compare to the peace of being in my father's comfort, even if it was in a pile of potatoes or spring onions at the corner of the room. I made myself believe there was no better joy for a woman of the land than to have the crown on her head. After all, I'd once wished to be Queen.

There was this time, however, where I had my usual morning training with the Queen and it was just as every other morning. The only difference, and perhaps the greatest difference, is that the tables had turned and instead of her sword at my throat, I had mine at her's and during the process, I'd given her a nick on the cheek. It was the first time I'd never seen the stain of blood on her glowing dark skin. Never had I seen one in the field as strong as winning a fight against her. I'd caused a cut on her perfectly sculpted face and I could feel the impact of it as every other being in the arena went still in wait for her response.

In her words ' You will never draw blood from a Royal like you, Astra. We are family '. More was expected and out of all, it was just a single lesson to gain and this wasn't just any ordinary lesson, it was the first time she taught me anything that wasn't related to my duties.

It was not my intention to hit Marianah even though this sadly unfortunate being assumed my position for her. I knew to stay as calm as possible, since all I came for was information. I did not need a fight or argument to know where my child was, this had gone far from my original expectations.

"I will not fight you Marianah, you are my family"

"Good to see you're back Astra, didn't think it was going to stay for that long anyways"

"Where is my child?"

"You want to know where your child is? You have to hit me. None of this is coming down without a fight"

"Marianah, do I need to remind you of your mother's teachings?"

How much she hated to hear of her mother? There was no relationship like the one between the Queen and her princess, none of them loving enough to acknowledge the other's existence. They didn't speak much to each other and the times I'd heard them talk, it was everything but a conversation between a mother and child. Marianah had, in a few times, joined the dinner table to honor the king on important events and even during those times when the tension in the room was evident, one word from the daughter, followed by correction from the mother and all goes down from there.

I never really discovered what happened between the two. One, because there wasn't really a warm family atmosphere in the family to begin with and second because I never really cared much about it. I never cared about Marianah or her business and I never interfered or spoke much to her. I had my own problems and I couldn't carry the burdens of another, selfish as it may sound, it was the only truth.