I do *editing

Prologue

"Juda, will you marry me?"

My eyes widened as my face went pale. I felt as if my entire world froze. marriage wasn't something that was discussed in our relationship, as I was under the impression that neither of us were ready. After a year and a half with this man, I was sure I loved him. But marriage? Then I looked down at Liam, if I said no it would crush him. He wouldn't understand why, he would be heart broken. I realized then I had only been thinking about how this would effect me, not him. It's us, this is how marriage would effect us. If I didn't give us a chance to grow maybe we never would.
I closed my eyes for a moment
It's only me and him.

"I- I ..."

It hurt so much watching his face as it began to crumble when I began to stutter. It was obvious he expected an immediate yes. I couldn't hurt him, I hated hurting Liam. So I pushed away all doubts I had.

"of course Ill marry you Liam"

I couldn't help the warmth the spread across my stomach at the goofy smile that grew across his face.
He pressed his lips to mine as he slipped the ring onto my finger. I heard him let out a sigh of relief as he pulled alway and pressed his forehead against mine. a buzzing in his pocket interrupted out moment of silence, and I watched as he let out a groan of discontent, pulling it out and pressing ignore only to begin ringing again.

"sorry babe let me just take this quick"

"It's fine honestly, it might important."

He nodded and got up, walking towards an old tree.

I let out a snort as Liam rolled his eyes at me followed by a playful smile.

I sat down and took a look around the park. It was as if the world started moving again.

a month later

I had the phone pressed between my neck and shoulder blade as I starred down at the ring.

"I don't know what's going on with me, I love him and I'm so happy, he makes me so happy. Something just feels.. off?" I spoke to my friend in a weary tone.

"juda babe, it's normal to feel confused. It would be weird if everything felt perfect. But when it comes down to it I've never seen anyone look at you the way Liam does. You're fine, he's fine, it's fine sweetie." She assured me.

"Your right, that's all it is, just a bit of anxiety."

"Ok babe, if you need me you know where to find me."

"Thanks Jess."

"Oh and Juda?"

"Yeah?"

"Stop over thinking, stress isn't healthy "

"yeah yeah."

And just like that the phone call was over. I smiled as I felt familiar hands curl around my waist and a warm pair of lips press to my neck. "What's the madder?" Liam spoke in a hushed tone. He didn't sound worried, just genuinely curious so I debated for a second whether or not I should tell him. I figured what ever I would say would come out wrong and I don't want him stressing because I was.

I shook my head. "Nothing, just thinking."

He nodded, not pushing it. "Well what do you say we go to bed?" He winked as his lips curved into a smirk.

I yet again pushed the uneasy thoughts in the back of my mind as I grabbed Liam's hand and raced up the stairs.

day of the wedding

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, my white dress flowing down my body. Little beads and bows patterned down the skirt of the dress. I slightly smiled. the feeling had gone away, and all I knew was that I love Liam so so much. I gulped as I heard a knock at the door.

"Hello?"

Just then an even bigger smile spread across my face. "Daddy!" I yelled as he pulled me into a hug.

"hey sweetheart. Is my beautiful girl ready?"

"Let's go." He pulled me into another hug as we were at the doors. He then opened the doors. I don't know what happened but all of the people and the things and the pressure, all i know is the sight of a million eyes starring back at me, it was too much. I honestly don't know what was thinking but all I knew was the feeling was back and I couldn't do this. So I ran. The minute my dad let go of my hand I ran.

I couldn't breathe as I pushed the doors open, and it was almost impossible to silence the voices inside the church and the voices in my head telling me this was all wrong. the wind blew hard as I felt a hand on my shoulder. I violent whipped around, my face red and blotchy as Liam's eyes bored heavily into mine. his lips were moving, but I couldn't hear a word he was saying, I felt my lips moving, but I had no idea what I was saying. I watched as Liam's expression changed to one of sheer panic. his arms reached out in a swift movement causing me to back up.

" JUDA NO "

and then the world went silent.