The Undead

The River

(warning: brief mention of implied child abuse and some gore)

For the lack of a better statement, Hanako hates people. Even more than zombies believe it or not.

Especially before the apocalypse, she started off at a disadvantage in life. Terrible parents, shitty education, and no safety net to fall back to. Every kid growing up should have at least some stability in their lives because if they don't, those kids will turn out a lot differently than they should've. Perhaps more unruly and uncooperative, or maybe they had to grow up way too fast and never had the chance to really enjoy being a kid. The loss of innocence at such an early age really fucks up a person. Hanako knows this quite well.

People cannot, under any circumstances, be trusted. They'll always find a way to gaslight others, stab people in the back or lie an incredulous amount. Both her mother and father never really cared about her; if anything she was an inconvenience at best and a punching bag for their frustrations at worst. Even on the rare occasion when her mother said she loved her, it was just manipulation. All to get Hanako to behave. Because if a child thinks that their parent loves them, they'll do anything for them, right? That's just the truth about naivety. 

And until three years ago, Hanako became naive all over again. She had been too comfortable and had her guard down more often than not. All because of someone who finally cared about her. Someone who gave her the chance to let herself be loved. It was too good to be true, she knows, and why she trusted him in the first place for six years has always sent her mind spiraling. People die all the time, so why wouldn't he? Especially during an apocalypse no less?

The only thing she's ever wished for, far in the back of her mind, is to be cared for by someone other than herself. Someone that tells her everything will be ok, someone that tells her she's going to have a good day, someone that will always be there for her in her highs and lows, someone that won't fucking lie for once. Is it too much to ask for? Is she being selfish? Most certainly, she thinks. But she's so goddamn tired of being the only person to tell herself these things, because as each day goes by, she believes these things less and less.

In the end, she closed off her emotions long ago and doesn't plan on confiding them anytime soon. Surviving in an apocalypse for nine years throughout her entire adolescence, and having to kill people left and right, forced her to close off her emotions completely.

Besides all of that, though, being alone isn't truly bad in her opinion. There's nobody else to care about or get attached to, which leaves far less room for hesitation in dangerous situations. Well, not counting Baka and Donki.

While groups are better because they have the advantage of more people, that is also their greatest downfall.

Now, why is Hanako thinking about all of this? It's because of that goddamn woman she saved yesterday. Honestly, Hanako can only think of three other times she let a person go after saving them. It wouldn't have been too difficult to kill that woman with a knife, considering that at the time her shotgun had run out of bullets. Though, perhaps the reason why she hesitated on the thought like the other three times was because that woman truly seemed quite harmless.

Hell, she literally threw her gun in front of her willingly! Her only defense against someone that had just slaughtered eight zombies effortlessly. A really stupid move, in all honesty, so it would've been too easy to kill her.

That is what makes Hanako think that she has gotten soft.

Not to mention, that wasn't even the last time she saw her. Late during the previous night when the moon was dipping lower to west and the wind blew roughly through the trees, Hanako came across the woman standing in front of a cabin with a dangerously sharp katana in hand. For a moment when she had been hiding a couple trees away from the clearing by the awning, it seemed as though the woman sensed that she was there. To be fair, Baka was living up to his name once again and decided to wiggle his way into a bush, causing a minor ruckus. Hanako thanked her lucky stars that she wasn't caught because it looked like there were others in the cabin, so she would've been outnumbered in a fight against people. Ones that most likely had guns.