Unblinking

Chaos In Cookies

                               13

I press my heart willing for it stop beating hard against my ribs. The rib cage almost breaking, allowing my heart to make it's way out. I clutch the iron railing on my bed, feeling the cold metal on my already cold hand.
I try to maintain eye contact, to remain normal, to be the same as I was earlier. But my hand just won't stop shaking.
"Dr... Dr Andrea" I call her out as she opens the door to go out after grabbing a few necessities of hers she left behind before talking with Dennis.
I don't wanna be alone here. With Dennis.
"Hmm hmm"  She turns, her bun loosening a bit on the edge.
"You– Umm... I think, you forgot something"
"Did I?" She checks her file and purse for the something.
"I-I-" I stutter not having a thing to say.
"I'm hungry" I say finally. I just wanna know if Dennis would feed me with the medication or whatever.
"Yeah baby" I hear Dennis murmur as he pulls the cupboard door open to get me something.
"I just want some–some noodles."
Dr Andrea sighs "You can't have anything for like 2 hours from now"
Dennis makes a sharp turn at her. He glares. But why? Did he want to feed me that whatever or did he not want me to stay hungry? I hear the door clashing against the door frame. Why is he storming out of the room?
I turn to Dr Andrea as she looks at me with confusion. She raises her eyebrows at me as if I know what's happening here.
"Dennis fed me a cookie" I just whisper. I don't  do facial expressions. I don't even nod. I just widen my eyes. I don't mind her knowing that I heard their conversation. I don't mind if she thinks I eavesdropped on purpose. I don't care. I don't mind anything except this. This issue here.
"Uh... uhm... Why do you–" She looks like she couldn't find words to say.
"That is true. I don't know what kind of cookie it wa–" I don't. I don't believe it unless I speak it. "The cookies tasted like it was from Mrs Richardson. It was warm and soft. Like hers. Exactly hers. I don't remember eating such good cookies and" I inhale quickly not allowing time to pass but breath to gain "I don't remember– I'm sure. Hundred percent that I didn't eat anything else before or after that. Other than coffee"
Dr Andrea's eyes widen. She coughs into her pink handkerchief, not directly looking at me. She looks at the room, the wall, the furniture. She then checks her pile of books over and over again. Why is she avoiding my eyes? I can't help but notice the tattoo on her neck, a square with a triangle in it. She adjusts her collar, revealing the tattoo even more. I don't think I've seen it anywhere but I know it means something. It's just not random. Or the things you do for fun.
"Umm... Ms Abbott–" One of the very few people who call me by my second name "I just... Is there any chance that I can have a look at the cookies or the container it came in"
I shake my head. "I saw him disposing it and the dustbin has been cleared yesterday"
"Oh. Well. Fine. No problem. I just–" She wants to say something. She is just scared of saying it.
I don't know why but I feel like she is struggling in something. Not just a problem. Something serious. It has got something to do with me. "Doctor" I grab her attention. "Is there something that you would like to share with me or–"
"No" She says quickly. Like she defends herself.
"I'm going to have a check over the trash and I'll proceed" She looks at me like she wants permission from me for her to go.
I nod and she slams the door behind.
I stare at the door, not wanting to get up. Not wanting to do anything than sitting here. With my thoughts.
Mrs Richardson. Why didn't I think of it before? The same day she fed me, I got a vision and when I woke up, I do remember Dennis saying I slept. And that was the same day Mrs Richardson fed me to my full. I remember eating that bowl of celery. I gulp hard.
I don't wanna believe anything. Anyone.
This is super awkward that everyone cheats, fails to gain my trust, never forgets to break my heart and disappear.
Even if Dennis is true, why did he have to feed me the cookies?
If I'm sure, if my instincts are correct, Mrs Richardson and Dennis are expecting something from me. Something, whatever they want. And– Wait a minute.
Who is Lauren? And Barney. I don't care anything about Barney but I'm sure of Lauren. She is someone to me. She has did something. To me. To the him, I've got visions of. To the him, who's kicked me and made me lose my body.
I just know that the Him is tall and has a lot of hair. Long and thick hair. I don't think he is blonde but I'm sure that he has a lighter hair color. His voice is something I don't think I've heard. But I should have. Must have. Because this was my past. I do understand that. Because I won't be feeling the pain if it is gonna be the future me. It will be a vision. But this one, these things I imagined to be visions are actually the real ones. My real past. The real me.
I was caught in doing something illegal with someone by Lauren and Him. Lauren hated me. So does the He. But I think he hated loving me and she loved hating me. That's the difference.
What does Mrs Richardson have anything to do with this? Why did she reside in the rehabilitation centre. Why?
I hear the locks turning in and before even I could turn back, "Baby, it was me who prepared the cookies for you" I find myself staring at Peter.

                              To be continued...