Unblinking

Lose To Die

My legs hurt. But not as much as my heart does. I clutch my knees hard, half kneeling on the cold tile, panting. And I have only one thing on my mind. One and only thing. My only Fred. Is he dead? Really? He can't be.
I can't be into their stupid game. The fricking game they play using me as one of their game pieces. Me and Fred. But I wanna find where he is in the first place. Where is Fred? He can't be dead. For whatever reason, Mrs Richardson lied. She lied. And I'm pretty sure of it. She wanted to protect me or whatever... She lied. Who is she to tell me that the only relation I feel I have had died?
Did Ashley too feel the same way when she found that Ansley was dead. No. No. No. No. Fred is alive. He will soon hold my hand and call me Sara dear and call me names for having such a thought.
"He is not gonna make it to you" My inner voice tells me. I hate it. Why?
It hurts everytime I feel being possessed by someone.
If Fred is actually dead, why should Dennis lie to me? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Dennis is being honest. Fred is not dead.
I go back to the standing position. It's been literally... I don't know, like 4 hours since I've heard her voice. Mrs Richardson. Since she told me that... that... "Shut up" I mutter.
The hallway seems like a never ending one. Doors upon doors and rooms upon rooms which are either locked from inside or outside. The bustling of the people is lively but heart-aching. I wanna be alone. With Fred. And Dennis. Everyone watch me as they pass but no one seems to care. To bother. To ask me who I am. I wanna be picked up by someone. I wanna be taken by someone to wherever Fred is. I just want him by my side.
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. What is that?
My eyes are– My mouth is going dry. Why is my hand– What–
"Lauren" A curly black haired girl turns back.
"We made it" My chest is lightened. It is feeling happy.
She beams. One of her hands go inside her jean ppcket, searching for something. And I– I can't breathe. I can't– I touch my nose. Cold liquid. What? I can't move my hands. I don't– I can't– My hands are bound. Is it? I turn my head. Why can't I move? It is burning in my chest. Aaaaaahhhhh. My chest– It is so hot. Something is creeping it's way up my chest and I– I can't look at it. I can't. Where are my eyes? Where are my eyeballs? Where is everything? I can feel the blackness surrounding the blackness. I suddenly realize that I was in a dark pool of blood.
                              •••
"Baby"
I moan. Red is all I see. Red something. It is closed over me.
"Dennis?" Where is he?
"Baby" He removes the bedclothes from my head and runs his fingers over my temple with something like a gel.
"Where?" I don't know what I'm saying but he catches it.
"Ah. He is in my room. I just verified. He is sound asleep. Duh. Can't wake him up now"
"I wanna see him" I get up into the sitting position and realize that– Gosh. Why am I? What is this? Is it really Dennis?
"Sorry babe, you kept going outta hand, so we have to" I just don't believe.
"But I'm handcuffed" He pushes a strand of hair that is stuck in my temple, of the gel. His fingers are so soft. Smooth.
He smells so much of soap and whatever thing he was applying on my temple. He is so fresh. He reminds me so much of apple. I don't know why I even think of it. Him and apple.
I pull my hands away, motioning him to break my wrists free.
He pulls up to my hand and inserts the key into the keyhole of my handcuff. He turns the key as he turns at me and– Ohhh. He smirks. I don't know what's hiding behind that smirk but I just grin like an idiot. At him. I can't stop showing off my teeth like he's a dentist. I take away my hand from his grip as he goes off to put those handcuffs into the drawer. Wait. I do remember these tiny bits of information like dentists exist and other things but... Wait. Aren't they just commonsense? I don't sometimes get myself but I feel clear. Crystal clear. I feel myself getting clear but confusingly clear.
"Done" He says, breathing out. Gosh. Why does everything he does excites me?
What? Why? I feel tension, pressure suddenly stirring inside me.
"Dennis" I call out, seating myself on the bed with so much of uneasiness. I remember it. I remember now. And my mind is filled with chaos. Once more. "Mrs Richardson told that Fred was cremated under the authority's–" Tears are filling my throat. I can't breathe. My voice is struck. I close my eyes and realize this is the first time I've ever said these words out loud. I rub my hands over my eyes and whatever sticky that he applied on my temple. My head hurts but– I can feel his hands on my back. Soothing me. His hand is unexpectedly slow in patting me.
"I wanna talk to you" Who is that? I open my eyes and find myself looking at a concerned old man. His spectacles are at the bridge of his nose, about to fall. I didn't hear him enter. Is he– But I can't sense danger.
"That's none of your business" I hear Dennis say but I can't turn around. I feel like he has something to tell me. Something that might help me.
His tag reads 'Dr Charlie Huston'.
Doctor? Is he a doctor? Then who is Dr Kayla? Why is he here?
"Dr Kayla is busy with the meetings, so I had to cover up and I wanted to talk to you ever since you got shifted to this ward. I hope you're convinced with this reason?" He pushes back his specs. He is calm but I can feel the pressure on his fingers that is anxiously tapping on the table. He seats himself in the chair on which Dennis was sitting before. I turn around and look desperately at Dennis. He just shakes his head.
"Please Mr Lawrence" He is polite. With his words, with his mannerism.
I don't look back at Dennis as he slams the door behind him, shutting himself out.
I don't know what he's gonna say but whatever its gonna be, it will be fine. I'll be happy with it. I don't know, I just hope it is. Until–
"Fred is dead. I don't know if you do but he is dead. I–" He doesn't moved an inch from where he stood, his words freezing me to death. "I saw him die"

                             To be continued...