Elain Archeron | The Court Of New |

The Prick (Part 5)

And so, she trained and trained. It was all about balance and trying to maintain it, along with her dignity, as she stumbled around, strained to stay in a squat, and discovered that unlike Nesta, none of this was her forte. By the end of it all, she was sweating, her hair stuck to her glistening skin, and her breath was tight in her chest as she finished the final exercise and moved to cool down beside Nesta and Gwyn. She brought her knees to her chest, hugging her arms around the leather of her legs, and huffed as she spoke. "I don't know how you did this. This is far more difficult than I had expected. Well, maybe not harder, but just... I'm so out of shape."

Nesta, breathing steadily and remaining calm as she sprawled out across the ground, watched the sky continue to brighten as the morning came into full swing. "It wasn't like I had a choice. I had to do it. I needed to, looking back, but I hated it for a long time." Elain dragged her eyes to her sister, the picture of paced grace despite the sweat on her skin and those deep, steady breaths. Elain tore her gaze away again, ignoring some deep gnawing feeling in her chest that erupted at her sister's words. Instead, she shifted her eyes to Azriel and Cassian as they lightly sparred in the center circle of the training area, moving slowly and with precision, honing their techniques despite being masters of themselves, of their bodies.

Elain propped her chin on her knee and watched with awe. Their movements flowed perfectly, and they timed things almost like a dance. Her gaze dropped to their feet, observing the footwork as they moved between stances. She didn't say it, but she felt overwhelmed with that sensation that filled her more often than not, especially when watching Nesta or Azriel or any of the Inner Circle train.

Self-dread.

She could barely hold a squat, and the thought of going into battle, commanding an army, or forging a sword wasn't just scary; it was also boring. And she wished she could will herself into being the kind of person who loved those things, who desired those victories and battle glories, who hoped for muscles and strength, for speed. But all she felt was dread and anxiety. If she were to touch a sword, her life would become nothing but the blade and the training, and she would lose her garden and the simple things she enjoyed.

In short, she wanted to have her cake and eat it too.

And something told her she couldn't have both.

Gwyn stood, dusting her hands as she did so and turned to Nesta and Elain. "I have to go early today. Clotho and I are working on some new organizing systems in the library, and we've been kept pretty busy." She nodded to Nesta and then offered Elain a subtle smile. "It was nice training with you. I hope you had a good time." And with that, she turned and left, not before offering Cassian a nod and Azriel an almost too long side glance, making her exit promptly afterward.

Nesta stood and offered Elain a hand, which she accepted, and lifted her to her feet. The two approached the water fountain and filled their glasses, sipping instead of gulping, as Nesta instructed. Elain, cup clasped between her hands, watched Azriel and Cassian as their spar turned into more of a brawl, with wings and limbs flying around. Nesta gestured to the heap of limbs that was Azriel and Cassian and spoke. "This always happens. Those two cannot spar without it turning into a brawl." The smirk that played on Nesta's face spoke volumes to Elain, who knew Nesta saw the brawl as more endearing than annoying.

Nesta had grown so much. She was softer, or at least had become better at showing it. Love shone in her grey slate eyes, and that made Elain smile absentmindedly as she brought her glass to her lips.

~♡

The morning came to its conclusion, but instead of returning to the Town House, Azriel and Elain found themselves sharing lunch with Cassian and Nesta in the House of Wind. The little group sat at an oblong table, with Cassian and Azriel on one side and Nesta and Elain on the opposite. Their plates were piled high with protein, fruit, and little finger sandwiches, and huge glasses of water were placed at the edges of every plate. Cassian leaned back in his chair, sandwich in hand, as he spoke directly to Elain.

Cassian: "So, what did you think?"

Elain swallowed down a bite of her food and fell silent, contemplating.

Elain: "I think I'm more out of shape than I expected. But I had fun, and it was nice seeing everyone."

Cassian: "Should I expect you tomorrow?"

The question of the day.

Elain lowered her sandwich onto her plate and stared at it, losing her resolve to maintain eye contact when she spoke. "I just wanted to see if I could do it. Just the simplest of things, like stretching and balance. I hadn't thought very far beyond today, honestly." What she wanted to say was that she hadn't planned on training with them beyond this point. Today was an introduction to a lifestyle that was so foreign and bizarre that she had only wanted to attempt the baby steps.

Azriel found Elain's face and seemed to read her hesitation, how she held herself back. He spoke, his voice cutting the silence like a cleaver. "Elain is going to train with me, using my methods. I ran it by Rhysand and Feyre, and they agreed to it. Elain is going to be a liquidator." Cassian and Nesta exchanged surprised stares between themselves, and Nesta whirled in her seat to stare at Elain, who was about as red in the face as one could be.

Nesta: "You're going to become an assassin?!"