HEART FLAYER | b. hargrove

CHAPTER 016.

Later That Night / The Next Morning (February 7th/8th, 1985)

BILLY'S POV

He'd went home feeling happier than he'd felt in... who knows how long. Billy couldn't remember the last time he'd had light-hearted yet meaningful conversations with anyone. He could still hear Arwen's laugh ringing in his ears as he entered his house. It'd been such a surprising change of pace with them not arguing or screaming at each other. He obviously knew that he hadn't exactly been the most agreeable person to be around in the past few months, but still. He found that 'Billy' sounded much more pleasant coming from her lips than 'douchebag' or 'asshole.' 

"Where the hell have you been?"

Neil's voice quickly put a damper on Billy's good mood and he turned to face his father with a deadpan look. 

"On a date." 

"With the Chief's daughter?" His dad asked, those bushy brows of his knitted together and his mustache twitching with buried anger. 

"Tsk," Billy had scoffed, turning away from his father with a roll of his eyes as he intended to head to his bedroom. "It isn't really your business."

Neil grabbed his shoulder to turn him back to face him. The rage in his beady eyes grew a little. 

"It is my business, William." He said lowly. "That girl is a demon that you need to stay away from." 

Billy almost laughed at that ridiculous accusation. Sure, to Neil, the girl probably did seem like a demon straight out of Hell with her supernatural affinity for flame. But honestly? Billy thought it was incredible and extraordinary. A little bit hot, even (pun not intended). 

"That's ridiculous." The seventeen year old said with a skeptical glance towards his dad. He continued to walk to his room, but turned around once more at the man's next words.

"So you think you like this girl?!" 

Billy threw his hands in the air. "I don't fucking know, dad! Maybe! Why does it even matter to you?!" He was growing frustrated now.

His father now stepped up close to him, getting right in his face with those soulless eyes.

"Let me tell you something, son," he said quietly. "You will never be truly loved by someone, especially not her. You are a worthless excuse for a man and she - or any woman - will just ruin your life and abandon you just like your whore mother." 

Billy had to choke back any response that he had. And he had many of them forming in his mind to say to his father. But the years of physical abuse - although it had stopped recently - had trained him to not reply in the way that he truly wanted to. So instead, he nodded with watery eyes and rushed off to his bedroom with a slam of his door. 

Once he was finally alone in his room, he let out a long breath and lit a cigarette. He caught himself in the mirror as he took a long drag and tried to ignore the broken look in his own eyes, as he'd done probably a million times before. He paced around while occasionally smacking things off of his dresser or shelves out of frustration, causing them to shatter on the floor. He had so much anger that it leaked out in the form of a tear sliding down his cheek. He huffed as he wiped it away hastily.

He'd really been honest with Arwen when he'd said that his home life had been better. But it still weren't inherently good. Even though Neil couldn't physically hurt him anymore, he still found his ways. But it's not like he'd ever tell her that. Who knows what the girl would do in order to defend him further... it made his heart flutter, to be honest, but he couldn't deal with the guilt of her getting thrown back into Hawkins Lab for his sake. 

Neil was right in one thing: Billy and Arwen would never work. But not because she was some "demon," but because she was simply far too good for him. Sure, they were similar in many ways... but that girl used her anger and past traumas to protect people she loved. Whereas Billy tended to use his against others before they got too close to him. It was easier that way. 

Billy laid down on his bed, still slowly taking drags of his cigarette as he lost himself in thought and stared up at his ceiling. For hours to come, he'd just lay there and think about all the ways in which he would never be enough for Arwen Hopper.

- 

The next morning, he feels exhausted from not receiving enough sleep, but he leaned against his car and smoked a cigarette like he normally would. He watched Arwen's car pull into the parking lot and her little sister popped out first, running to meet Max so the two could go to the middle school together. 

He met Arwen's eyes and she'd smiled at him briefly - he felt a fluttering in his chest - before Munson showed up. Billy watched as she greeted the guy with a hug and they both sat on her car while waiting for class. They began laughing at something and Munson put his arm around her. Rage boiled in his veins and he put out his cigarette with a stomp that was more aggressive than usual. But this time, he doesn't push it down. He'd been trying so hard to fight back against his normal angry behavior to win Arwen over, but... why even bother? 

Being pissed was easier. 

And boy, did seeing Munson put his grimy arm anywhere near Arwen make him pissed.  It should've been him laughing and touching her. But did he even deserve to?

Munson sure as hell never argued or fought with her like Billy had. They'd never once screamed at or threatened each other. They even had their own little nerdy shit in common to talk about. Maybe Munson was the better choice for her. 

So, Billy had made his decision. He'd push her away. It was for her own good. Arwen could forget about him and whatever they had started to have together. She could focus on Munson if she wanted. Or whoever else. He didn't fucking care. He didn't. 

Billy Hargrove was 'worthless' anyway.

He rolled his eyes to himself and stalked past the two, ignoring their eyes on him as he strolled towards the school. Who cared about Arwen Hopper, anyways? He had plenty of girls lined up just waiting for the chance to be noticed by him. He didn't need her. 

He didn't need Arwen or her big brown doe eyes. Or her sweet smile or contagious laughter. Or the way she'd ramble on about something for twenty minutes straight if she loved it enough. 

He'd only had himself for this long and he could go on longer just like that.

Billy did not need or want Arwen.