𓈊 In The Open | APBAON Oneshot

In The Open

I was never too fond of 'he'. It felt too... how do I put this... incomplete? Like it was the right piece but there was something else missing that would finally make me comfortable in my body. But I don't know what it is.

I stare at myself in the mirror and take in how I look. I don't even look like a 'he,' not that appearances have anything to do with gender. I just don'f really feel like a boy. But I'm not a girl. At least... I don't think I am. 'She' doesn't really fit right. It doesn't fill that space.

"They," I whisper to myself and my eyes widen. I think I like it. "Look at what they're wearing," I say as if I'm somebody else talking about me. "Those overalls are so cute on them." Laughing softly to myself, I continue. "I love how Scott did their hair today. They look so pretty with that eyeliner, too."

I freeze when I realise it.

That's the piece.

"I can't tell Amanda and Nathan."

Later, dinner is awkward. I really want to tell them that I want to try using they/them as well as he/him, but I worry they won't agree with it. I have no doubts in my mind that they already knew I was gay the moment they saw me, but...

I don't exactly know how they'll feel about me being a demiboy.

"Did you finish that painting you were working on?" Nathan asks suddenly, making me jump.

He's talking about my wall. A while ago, I started to paint little floating lanterns, like from Rapunzel, on one of my walls and it's been taking forever to finish it. Luckily though, it's summer and I have all day to work on it.

"Oh, uh..." I blink, trying to regain my focus. "I did a little bit, but it's not finished yet."

"Are those anxiety meds making you drowsy?" Amanda asks. "You look really out of it."

I shrug. "I feel fine," I say. "Just distracted."

Amanda smiles softly at me. "Are you thinking about Jimmy?" she teases, and I blush.

"Amanda!" I hide my face in my hands. "No, I was just- Agh, forget it." I brush my bangs out of my face - I should trim those - and continue eating.

My eating habits have gotten a lot better since I started living with Nathan and Amanda. They always have some kind of salad with dinner if I can't manage to eat what they cooked, which was nice. And they're so patient, too. I love them.

Nathan frowns. "Is something wrong?"

I shake my head. "No, don't worry about it."

"Well, you seem upset," Amanda says, "and your father's just looking out for you." She looks at Nathan, but still directs her words to me. "You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to, honey," she looks back at me, "but we do want you to talk about things that bother you, okay? It's unhealthy to keep everything all bottled up."

I nod. Should I tell them? It's not like they've been mean to me. But what if they kick me out like- No, they're not him. They're nice. They love me.

I take a deep breath (it was probably pretty loud because they both gave me a concerned look) and finally say, "I want to use they/them pronouns."

There was silence for a moment.

"A-and he/him," I say. "If... that's okay with you."

Amanda laughed and got up from her seat to hug me. "Oh, of course it's okay, sugarbear," she says, squeezing me and kissing my cheek. "You don't need permission to chage your pronouns. Oh! And! And! Are we the first people you've come out to?"

I nod and she squeals in response.

"Oh, Nathan, we're the first to know!" she says, standing upright and clapping.

"Your ADHD is showing," Nathan jokes, to which Amanda sticks her tongue out. "I'm proud of you, Scott," he says to me, making me smile.

I love my parents.