Delicate

12

Anastasia's POV:

I wiped my tears and fixed my clothes in place as I got out of my car. Liam left before. 

I felt so humiliated and awkward when he was all over me questioning my clothes. I couldn't help but cry in front of him. I have been trying so hard to look emotionless from the morning in the office. But I did cry. I couldn't dare to face him after this. I didn't want to. I walked over to the elevator as different thoughts and memories circled in my head.

It's like, he is suddenly so changed. He is hiding something from me. I could feel it. He said he was just having fun with me before but his eyes spoke otherwise. The way he looked at me made me feel like the prettiest woman alive. As if he would sell souls to watch me doing normal human stuff. It was so wholesome. For the first time, I felt like I am loved since my childhood.

My parents would torture me blaming me that my little brother died because of me because I wasn't earning money. Is it my fault? Whereas my father was out gambling the whole day and night and my mother would just cook the least and go out to gossip with the ladies.

I had a family but always felt alone. 

The one thing I remember vividly from my childhood is the holes. During what was supposed to be a safe and restful naptime I dug into the wall with my tiny bare index finger. Over some unknown time, those mysterious diggings developed into a fair likeness of the solar system. The trauma that any individual deals with, whether it is during childhood or adulthood, can turn out to be life-altering, specifically, when it hides far inside the subconscious mind for many years. How does anyone climb out of that hole? 

I don't know. I needed to be hospitalized back then as far as I remember. I used to get severe panic attacks. The recall started with the occurrences of incessant thoughts traveling through my mind during what was termed 'manic and unusual behavior'. These events led to hospitalizations with only distant and cut-out memories of my actions and thoughts.
It happened several times back when I got a scholarship from Oxford. I knew I was not crazy. What had happened? And, why was my mind playing tricks on me? I don't know. Maybe the trauma of your parents stealing your scholarship money from you left me in pieces. I would have given it to them eventually but they took it and spent all of it in gambling.

For them, my crying was "manipulation" and my sadness was "put on for attention." 
After that, I never cried in front of them or became sad. I just was there.

I was living but I was not alive.

Carter's job opportunity was like a bolt from the blue for my family. They were against me moving out for a job.

So, I escaped.

I had to.

I couldn't live my whole life caged in their little worlds of selfishness. 
As I joined this Company, I felt surrounded by people with positivity and Jennifer among them has always been there for me. She doesn't know about my family but knows that I was tired of life. In some ways, my life improved. 

But every time I saw a cut flower I knew how it felt. It had no roots at all, nothing to anchor it to this world; yet was still expected to give its beauty, to flourish and warm the hearts of others.
No one can see my vulnerability; they cannot see the roots I lack. I paint the world with the vibrancy of my laughter, hugs, and kindness.
I look forward to the future and work hard in everything I do.

And when I felt like I was alive, my life shuttered back to remind me that I don't deserve to be loved. Maybe I am not worthy of love. I wanted to love and to be loved.

It's a lie that given enough pressure coal becomes diamonds and it's a lie that a child's love treated with disregard will self-repair.

I snapped out of my thoughts as the elevator dinged.

I went straight to my cabin and resumed my work. Jennifer knocked on my door saying,
"Hey, I have got a date tonight so, I am heading out now. Will you join?"
"Um- I still have work to do so, no. You go. We will catch up later.", I smiled at her and she smiled back at me warmly giving me a side hug and she left.

One by one all employees were leaving.

But one thing caught my attention. Boss left the office so soon today. Normally he stays up late in here. Huh! Maybe he got some new chick to fuck! I laughed to myself thinking unnecessary things. 

It was past midnight and finally, all the documents on my desk were done signing. I was so relieved and ready to go home. All I needed to do was leave this pile of documents in.....
Liam's cabin. 

I took a deep breath in and hold all the files together as I went towards his cabin.


I opened the door and put the files on his desk. But he was not there. I didn't see him get off work. Then, where did he go? Fuck, again I'm caring about him! 

I adjusted the pile of files on his table and my eyes stopped at a photo frame on his desk.

A picture with his family. His dad smiling ear to ear holding this little boy in his arms which is Liam and his brother Lucas holding their mother's hand. 
Such a happy family they were if not invaded by the Underworld. 

I was unknowingly smiling at the picture and suddenly heard an unusual voice from the washroom.

It was not Liam's voice.

The voices don't stop but rather get louder as I stepped forward.

My heart races faster with each step I took towards the washroom door.

Now I can hear the voices.

Clearly.

It is a lady.

Moaning. 

I noticed the door was not locked.

I slightly touched the door knob and the door was open enough to see what was going on in there.

My eyes widened as I saw Liam.

Pounding inside her. 

His secretary. Rachel.

I couldn't believe my eyes. My hands flew to my mouth covering myself from screaming and making him know that I saw him.

I saw him fucking Rachel who was just appointed today.

A sudden idea clicked on my brain and I took my phone out.

I recorded them shortly and thought of keeping them as a defense for lateral use if required.

Also, to remind me of the reason why I shouldn't be chasing him.

I slowly closed the door and went out gripping my mouth harshly to not make any sound.

I took the elevator and left the office.

I decided not to return home.

I just drove. 

Away.

Far away.