Becoming Lovers

8

"You're out here selling drugs and have the audacity to sell them out of my house! Get out and never come back to this house !" Those were the words that were lastly said as the door slammed into my face. This was one of the moments that happened to me about 20 something years ago when my so called family kicked me out on the streets. I was only 16 years old and I didn't know too much about anything, The one thing that I did know was that I needed to provide. My family and I had struggled all of our lives and we classified ourselves as poor. I had fucked around and gotten the love of my life pregnant and I was trying to do everything that needed to be done as a man and a father. I was having a girl and I knew I wanted to do everything necessary to make sure that she never wanted for anything. I promised myself the day that she was born that I would always put her before anything and that I would never disown her for any of the decisions that she wanted to make.

It was about three years ago exactly and I had gotten into some deep shit with one of my connects. One thing about it that I can say was that I was greedy for the success. Since I had been on the streets at age 16, it was the only thing that I knew how to do. I had one more big job that needed to be done in order for me to retire in any country that I desired to be. This was something that I needed to do for Ari to make sure she had everything she needed and more. I just didn't want to keep leaving my daughter. I had intentions on leaving the game and she was the one reason behind it all. The night I left my daughter was one of the worst nights of my life. I had to go into hiding to protect my family and to keep myself under wraps. I had took over one of the biggest locations in the world and it was something that I was most proud of but it was also something that I kind of regret doing as well. Three years had been too long away from my family. Things had settled down and something that was declared war was finally over.

I had spies all over the city, watching my daughter and my son David while I was away. It was time to make a visit to them and come home. Ari had wrote me a letter the day that I went away and I read it so much to the point I had it memorized. I recited it to make sure that each day I was going to come closer and closer to come home and continue to watch my daughter grow into the young woman she has become. She had made me so proud and I couldn't stand in the shadows no longer. I needed to be there for my daughter in her best and worst moments like I had always been. Here I finally was, standing in the home that I raised her in, letting all the memories flood their way into my mind. I remember the day that we bought this house, I fought so hard for her to have the things that I never had. Even though I didn't make the best career choice, I never regretted having the success and the life that I wanted my daughter to have. She always worked hard, she was just like her mother and that was one thing that always gave me the strength I needed. Her mother was the light of my world, I never loved anyone so deeply the way than that woman. I was ready to retire and watch my daughter get married. I was getting up in age and I was ready to have some grandkids. It's hard for me to say that because it just reminds me how much of a woman Ari is. She was just my little girl and I still wasn't ready for her to grow up.

Coming straight out of my thoughts, I heard the door open letting me know that Ari was home. I was nervous about how she would react when she saw me. I wasn't even sure that she was even ready to see me. It had been three years since I left her without a trace and I had no idea how that made her feel. I thought about her everyday and every night. Either way I knew this had to be done, I just needed to be here for her, the timing just felt right, "So many things I have learned from you. Going through life with you as my guide is like walking on sunshine, with nothing to fear." I recited the words I had memorized as I came around the corner making eye contact with her as I watched her face get red. She began to hyperventilate as she backed herself into the wall as the tears starting rolling down her face. It was like she saw a ghost and didn't know what to say to me. I was afraid that the words " I hate you" would come out of her mouth for me leaving her for so long. Since the day she was born, we had been attached at the hip. We were never far apart for too long. We spent hours apart at a time, not years. I was prepared for the worst choice of words to come from her lips. "Dad !" She screamed and cried harder as she began to slide down the wall as I ran to her side picking her up. All I could do was cry and hold onto her tight. I was speechless from her reaction, I was numb but I knew that I needed to be here for her. She needed me and I was not going to ever leave her side again.

I had to take a moment to recollect my thoughts as I looked at her. She looked as beautiful as the day I first held her in my arms. I began to reminisce on the days that we once shared before my departure. You see, leaving her was the worst day of my life. I wanted nothing more in the world but to take her with me, but she was in danger and she needed to stay here. My war was not my daughter's battle. She looked into my eyes and smiled as the tears continued to roll down her face as she tried to find the words that she had been meaning to say since the day I left her. I grabbed her by the hands and guided her over to the couch.

"You do not have to say a word, just listen to me" I began to say as I watched her continue to tremble with sadness. Before I could utter a word, she hugged me tightly as if she was scared of the words that I would say from my lips.

"I never intended on leaving you ,there was not a day that went by that I didn't think about you. I've been watching you all this time , I needed to make sure you were safe here." I began to explain as I continued to see the pain reflect through her eyes.

All she could do was nod her head. Her eyes were still filled with tears and she had an expression plastered on her face that I could not recognize. I knew she was upset with me and there was also another part of me that told me she missed me. This was my daughter and nobody could read her like I could. I was just blessed to be able to be in her presence and to see her face again. It was something that was off with her but that was something that we could discuss later, right now it was time to talk about the things I missed out on. The way she sat silently was something she tended to do when she was nervous about telling me something. She looked at me as she grabbed me by the hands as she was trying to clear her thoughts to say what she needed to say.

"I thought about you every day Dad. I cried myself to sleep for months when you left and to see you here now, I'm in awe, I'm scared that you might leave me again", she began to say as she was pouring out her feelings as the day I left was still a fresh wound that I felt responsible for making.

As a man, no one liked to see their daughter cry. Everyday I felt like I had abandoned her . The first two years were hard for me. I should have been allowed to check on my daughter. I had the right to still be her father, but alas; being in this type of lifestyle, you have to always be cautious. The streets were all I knew. I never once punched in on a clock and reported to the white man. I needed to make a way, something that was easy money. Ari was the reason that I did everything I did. It wasn't the right way, but the goal was to make sure that my daughter never stressed or wanted for anything. That was the plan and now that I was done being in hiding, everything was good and I was done being in the streets. My daughter had everything she wanted and needed and that was more than enough for me. We had all the money in the world and it was time to finally invest into some companies maybe wash my money through them. Right now the only thing that mattered to me was that I had my daughter back in my presence and I was more happier than ever.