You Could Have Saved Me

My Last Note

"If you are reading this, then it's too late to save me."

I never expected these to be my last words but unfortunately, they are. Unfortunately for you but fortunately for me because for once in my life, I will finally be free from all the troubles of the world, all the hate and bitterness and the deception from everyone.

Hi mom, hi dad, hi everyone. It's about time you read this.

I will be gone for good. I tried speaking to your mom, I also tried speaking to your dad even showing you and calling to your attention obvious signs of what I was going through but I guess you were just too busy trying to make enough money to ensure I get the best of everything in life except my parents' attention and their interest in my struggles, especially my emotional struggles. To my teachers and school counselors, I also told you what I was passing through and how I was being picked on and bullied by schoolmates but you paid no attention to me also, rather you made excuses and even accused me of not trying properly to fit in with my peers. Like blind people, none of you could see what I was going through.

I know I am not as old as most of you, I also know that as one grows older he gains experience to cope with situations but do you have any idea what I was going through every single day? Do you know how it feels to be bullied and humiliated in the presence of your peers every single day at school? At least after school hours and weekends should be a relief from all those but do you know I get bullied by my peers even when I'm at home? Do you know how painful and shameful it is to be bullied on social media where even people you've never met make fun of you? Do you know how much it hurts to be picked on for performing well and getting some of the best grades in school? Well, I guess you don't have answers to any of these questions and you probably have not ever thought of them before now. Do you know why you've never thought of these questions? It's simply because you are not me, you have not been through these bitter experiences.

My life was a living hell because you all could not see the pain. I was always bitter and even felt enslaved to my peers. I felt like I was a doormat that they all wiped the soles of their filthy shoes on. I had good grades and I was trying my best to smile every day but deep inside I was dying. I was suffering and smiling, but even when I cried no one took note. Are crying now that I'm gone? I showed you all the signs but could not see them even though they were right in front of you. I wonder why some people will just decide to hate on you for getting good grades, dressing or speaking a certain way, or even loving certain people. In my brief fifteen years of stay on earth which seemed like forever because of what I was going through, I never could fathom the reason for such hate.

I know you may be mad at me for taking my life but please before you condemn or despise or even loathe me please take just a moment to hear my side of the story. As I tell you about myself, it is not that I expect you to feel sorry for me. That is not the reason at all, but I expect you to learn from my story what some other kids may be going through. I also expect you to use the lessons learned from my story to help save other kids experiencing hate, depression, and bullying both at school, in the church, and at home. I did some research about what people like me go through and how they can be helped but unfortunately, I could not apply my own medicine to myself because I thought life was too hard so death has got to be an easy way out, I hope I find it easy. I will not be able to tell you if it was the easy way out because I', gone but I will share these findings with you so that you could save some other kids since you could not save me. I will begin by introducing you to my early life and progress to telling you about how I got messed up so badly that I decided to end it all.

MY EARLY LIFE

I was an only child born on October 12, 2003, in Budapest, Hungary. I was the daughter of Vilmos B. and Aliz Aurel. Just a few years after my birth my family moved to Ontario, Canada I search for greener pastures. It was here I attended both elementary and middle schools. I attended Ranch View Elementary School and, later, Mountain View Elementary School. For middle school, I attended Dr. Augustine Ramirez Intermediate School.